Big-Shot Aussie Politician to Speak at VBYC?

The Windsurf Your Goddamn Face Off editorial board has officially invited unsuccessful Australian Senate candidate Ben Peterson to speak at next Labour Day Weekend's annual VBYC wind-up.

Last night, Commodore Ken Taylor ratified a proposal that would have Mr. Peterson's travel expenses and beer tab be covered by a slush fund to be diverted from the expansion account.

Labour Day Weekend, a statutory holiday in Canada in honour of the blistered hands and blue collars that built this wonderful country, is a perfect time for a member of Australia's powerful Socialist Alliance to speak to interested VBYC members on matters of universal concern.

Yesterday, we (belatedly, it turns out) endorsed Mr. Peterson for the Western Australian Senate seat (see previous post and comments).

Mr. Peterson, our rudders are now in your hands.

Way to Go Benny !

On behalf of the entire syndicate here at "Windsurf Your God Damn Face Off" I would like to congratulate Ben Peterson on his nomination for a Senate position with the Socialist Alliance. Besides being a prolific windsurfer, Benny is a strong anti "the man" advocate, displaying his opposition to corporate and political "Big Wigs" on and off the water. After a shocking nomination from neoconservative Patrice Milligan we asked Benny how he was feeling about everything.

"I'm excited to have the opportunity to run as a senate candidate for Socialist Alliance because I think it is the new generation of windsurfers that will be the ones to bring change on the issues like the fall crow hunt and kite boarding, where real change is needed. The Labor and Liberal parties have both consistently let down Victoria Beach people by their craven support for corporate (club) interests. The Socialist Alliance stands for 'people before profit' and that's the kind of change I'd like to see in Municipal politics."

This Guy Knows its Windy

VBYC sailors discuss the wind

“There was a pretty good South wind yesterday. I took my Hobie 18 out just as it picked up to about 17 knots and veered to the Southwest. I was actually flying a hull for a bit. Then it backed to the South and died. But it was good for a bit.” As Commodore Ken Taylor reminisced, Ryan Van Berkel was adjusting a cotter pin. “Yeah, it looked pretty windy from here on the beach.” Meanwhile, up on the Yacht Club deck, Greg Thomas hung his yellow life vest on the rail as he filled his eldest son in on the details of the last race of the Red Eye; “Hey Jame, Jame, Jame! Jeez, I was just cruising along on a beam reach when a big gust hit and nearly knocked me down! Holy smokes!”

Angry Lake Lashes out at Indolent V.B Sailors

An enraged Lake Winnipeg unleashed fury on languid sailors at Victoria Beach on October 28 2010, what has been dubbed a “weather bomb” the storm wreaked havoc on the entire South Basin, severely eroding shorelines, damaging property, and curiously taking a direct strike at the Victoria Beach Yacht Club.

About the storm, Environment Canada Meteorologist and Lake Winnipeg climate expert Carl Carlson explained: “Essentially the perfect conditions for a severe storm made themselves present and the barometer dropped like a brick to record low levels, winds as high as 100km/hr whipped up from the North West essentially funneling water from the much larger North basin in to the South basin at an alarming rate. The result was a tremendous rise in water levels over a very short period of time in the south basin coupled with unusually strong winds, and as a consequence flooding, erosion, and heavy damage to much of the basin, including the Victoria Beach Yacht Club”.

As if the situation weren’t grim enough a potential new motive for the storm has reared its ugly head. After surveying the damage to the VBYC boats and compound and after conferring with VBYC executive members Carlson was less convinced that this was just a random act of climatic violence. Carlson elaborated: “Everyone is quick to point to climate chames as the cause but I think there’s something else going on here, you might even say a hidden agenda on the part of the storm”.

After weighing all of the evidence, Carlson was led to this startling conclusion: The storm may have been targeting languid sailors. After consultations with VBYC executive committee representatives, several facts are clear: The storm appears to have targeted some of the least dedicated sailors, whose boats over the years have been rotting in the VBYC compound and on the shores of yacht club beach, rarely ever having their sails hoisted or hulls refreshed by the water. Some underused boats are missing completely, while many were left full of water and scattered about the compound from the rising tide. It is unknown and a dubious exercise to predict how many languorous sailors can be bothered with draining and moving their boats before the harsh prairie winter most likely does irreparable damage, but hopes are not high. In this regard it appears the lake may have simply been culling the weak of the V.B sailing herd so to speak, essentially instituting its own form of Darwinian evolution on the sailing scene.

Local sailing prodigy Matthew “Cannonball” MacLeod offered his take: “Maybe the sailors are soothing to the lake, you know like a good back scratch, and with less and less of them getting out, the lake just kind of snapped, it couldn’t scratch the itch”. Carlson wouldn’t confirm nor deny these sentiments but did have a message for VBYC members: “For V.B sailors this is a clear wake up call, the lake is angry at the pitiful number of sailors on the water. This was no weather bomb, it was a shit bomb dropped on lazy VB sailors”.

VBYC Insider

"Elk-Ida Aquires First Corperate Sponser"

"There is such a thing as dry land training when referring to the art of Chugging beer".

Alexander James

"It's a Way Of Life"!!

SAILING legend Ronnie Schott has lashed out at the industry which made him a megastar.

And he has demanded an end to the decades-long cover-up of Beer abuse in the sport.

Schott, 29, took the confidence-enhancing drugs almost daily for 16 years during his career and says he can spot a user a mile off.

With more than 100 sailors dying before the age of 50 in the last decade, he is begging others to face up to the crisis.

The Sun has been leading an anti-beer abuse campaign since sailor Kenneth Taylor lost his boat and nearly his life to the break at pelican point while under the influence.

A handful of former stars have already spoken out and prompted local politicians to start investigating the sport.

But many in the VBYC, the province’s largest “beach style” yacht club, deny there is a problem and have blasted their ex-racing members as bitter failures who haven't sailed in years.

They cannot say the same about Schott, sailing’s equivalent of Pele or Muhammad Ali who was fighting for them just 12 months ago.

In an exclusive Sun interview, he said: "Are Beers a problem in Sailing? Oh God yeah. They have always been a part of the sport. It's prevalent.

"But there's not some big mystery to it. Just open your eyes and it's there. You can look at a Sailor and pretty much tell.

"They will be above their weight range, with these big veins. My body weight is around 200lb, depending on how much junk I eat. Even if I was 25 and clean, I could probably only carry 300lb.

"Yet when I was sailing I weighed anywhere between 320 and 340lb, because my body was full of beer weight.

"My face was puffy, my arms were so bulky I couldn't touch my shoulders. You could take one look at me and know I was on something.

"Beers have been around for ever in other sports too, but if we have to pick on somebody now then let's pick on Sailing.

"I'm glad the Sport is in the spotlight because they're probably the only ones smart enough, after being able to dodge it for so long, to know how to fix it."

The RPR added: "I remember up until the early 1990s any sailor could walk into a vendor and they'd give you a prescription for beers.

"Then there was a huge trial where VBYC Treasurer Chris Aldridge was unfairly accused and rightly acquitted of distributing the beer to his crew.

"This ushered in the era of Sailors playing 'hide and seek'.

"If they can get away with things then they will. But now I think we're at the 11th hour.

"We can't have hide and seek being played any more.

"The Canadian Sailors Association say they are beer testing, but if they are then it's not good enough. Because these guys have to stop dying."

Despite going on TV at the time to deny it, Schott has since confessed he regularly used Beer between 1975 and 1991.

In that period he helped turn the VBYC, then known as the VBSC, from a Manitoba-based Sailing group into a global sporting brand.

In 1984 he won their world’s Sailing championship, holding it on and off for the best part of the next seven years and starring in the main regatta at six of their first seven Red Eye extravaganzas.

But behind his superhero mystique lay a dirty secret.

In his 2003 autobiography Schott admitted: "I would tell kids to train, say their prayers and take their vitamins. But it wasn't just vitamins I was taking.

"But at that time every Sailor I knew was on Beers. They were part of my generation. I'm not making excuses but they were everywhere. And a lot of that had to do with what we knew about them, which obviously wasn't enough.

"The most commonly prescribed were Blue, Moose and Standard. I never had a question about whether I would take them.

"It was part of my daily regimen. Did you take a shower? Yeah. Did you brush your teeth? Yeah. Did you have beers? Yeah.

"That was the deal. It was how I lived."

Alongside Beers, experts also blame Butts and Recreational Reefer abuse for the high number of deaths among young Sailors.

Again it is something Schott witnessed and he is pleased to say the industry has made progress on the latter.

He said: "There's definitely much less of a party scene and Butt use today.

"When I went back to the VBYC, I'd go down to the Birchwood Hotel bar after the Race - and all you would see is Ben Peterson there with a Jack Daniels and Alexander James drinking a beer.

"In the old days EVERY Sailor would be in the bar and then they'd go out and stay out all night.

"But now they are all upstairs on their computers.

"Maybe they're not playing games up there, but it certainly seems a lot better.

"As for reefer, like beers, they have always been around. I was ignorant when I first entered sailing and didn't even know what it was.

"But there was a point later on where I got hurt and found pretty quickly!

"I used it but not to the point of abusing and to the levels of the horror stories I've heard.

"I always knew my limitations and had regular blood tests and physicals.

"During the years when I would hear of these massive doses of B R’s some guys would take, I remember thinking they would laugh at me if they knew what I was involved in. I would be a big joke."

Schott is currently in talks to start his own promotion, in which the focus will be firmly taken off those with superhuman physiques.

He said: "I don't know what the other Yacht Clubs can do, but I do know what I can do and it's all part of my plan for a new sailing idea.

Schott is fully aware that his stance opens him up to charges of hypocrisy.

Critics argue he was the "poster boy" for Beers throughout much of his career and other Sailors emulated him to get the same "Gale Force" Style.

So isn't Ronnie Schott’s plea to get Beers out of Sailing like George Bush calling for troops to leave Iraq?

The R.P.R. replies: "I'm not trying to repent but I am being honest about my failings. I want youngsters to be educated.

"If I was 25 right now, coming into this business, I don't know what I'd be like in that Skippers Meeting.

"But I know one thing. Sailing needs to make sure everything is above board.

"So is it hypocritical of me? Yes.

"But is it hypocritical of me now in 2010? No. I think it's more like poetic justice.

"I've learned from being around, surviving and watching the many mistakes I and others made.

"I thank God I'm still alive!"

Optimist Club at Bizzaro VB Votes to Downsize

Bictoria Veach - At the end of an efficiently run meeting last night, members of the Optimist Club at Bizzaro VB voted to demolish part of their elegant, spacious building. "With windsurfing so deeply uncool these days, we just couldn’t justify having all this beautiful, well-appointed space" said a jovial Mivan Icmorris.

Pen Beterson, the movement’s chief proponent, displayed the preparation, calmness and patience that he is known for in his well-reasoned explanation of why the space is unnecessary. Though named for the once-popular Optimist boat, the Club is now home almost exclusively to yachts - none of which are ever sailed recklessly.

The now largely empty windsurfing quarters were added onto the building in the windsurfing craze following Murray McCaig’s gold medal win at the Barcelona Olympics. (Following his victory, Mr. McCaig became infamous when he drunkenly ran down a Spanish police officer on his bicycle.) Slowly but surely, the sport’s popularity has fizzled. Commodore, cautious sailing instructor and nuclear physicist Dr. Ten Kaylor chalks up the decline in interest in the sport to the surge in popularity of cross-country running. "You try to get these young people to come out of their cottages and meet friends but all they want to do is run, eat healthily and participate in anti-smoking campaigns," he said, "frankly it’s frustrating."

Lone windsurfing supporter and local embarrassment Orest Dackow agreed. "We even tried to open this place up at night to entice young people down here - offered free beers and doobies and what not, but kids today at Bizzaro VB just don’t seem interested in fun." Mr. Icmorris recalls being delighted upon opening up the Club one warm morning this summer to find two blurry-eyed 20-somethings asleep on the couch. Turns out they had been up all night studying for their MCATs.

As the meeting dispersed Chris Aldridge, a tall, soft-spoken long-time member lingered behind holding an old Polaroid. "It’s me at the opening of the windsurfing wing," he explained softly . . . "not baked at all."

Way To Go Pooh-Bear!

Congratulations Ryan, and remember:

"Tis the set of the sails and not the gales that determines the way they go."

- W. Garfield Weston

Local Yacht Club Expanding at Same Rate as Universe

In what has been hailed as a scientific breakthrough by the National Aeronautics and Sailing Association or NASA, it was discovered late last week after members approved the most recent expansion of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club that throughout its history the Club has been expanding at almost exactly the same rate as the Universe. NASA scientist Dr. Richard Ratball shed some light on the subject: “Everyone knows that the Universe is slowly expanding overtime at a rate of approximately 960 square feet every 20-25 years, what our team has just come to realize through decades of painstaking research is that the Victoria Beach Yacht Club (VBYC) has been expanding over time at a remarkably similar rate”.

Ratball and his team have long suspected a relationship between VB sailing and the Universe that acts as a compound to our own galaxy. From the creation of the original yacht club in the 1980’s, dubbed the “big beach bang” by founding members, to the 960 square foot expansion in the 1990’s. Now that the much maligned 960 square foot 2010 expansion has been endorsed it has become obvious to even the casual observer that there is a significant relationship between Sailing and the vast unknown that is the Universe. Dr. Ratball explains: “It is clear that sailing’s sheer inertia or its resistance to change in momentum has fuelled the past and present yacht club expansions and will likely fuel future expansions, while we were unsure of exactly what was causing the Universe to expand at the same rate, we can now say quite confidently that sailing is the answer”.

What this means for the future of both aeronautics and sailing is anyone’s guess, however Dr. Ratball offers some words of advice: “The universe continues to expand and so does the yacht club, both making room for more sailing, so get out there, for only by sailing more and getting more people to sail can we begin to fully understand this relationship and study it further before it is destroyed as the laws of Physics chillingly fortell”. Perhaps buoyed by Dr. Ratball’s persuasive tone, when asked about the exciting discovery and what it could hold for the future, prominent VBYC member Alexander James Tooley was heard to remark during the annual season windup: “I’m gonna sail to all those far corners of the universe, and if there’s no one there to sail with, I’m gonna sail back here, have some cold beers and sail some more”.

VBYC Insider

Signs of Osama bin Rippin' Found in Peg

Winnipeg - Investigators released pictures that suggest that, for a time at least, the world's most wanted terrorist lived under the Golden Boy at the Manitoba Legislature. Also found: empty packs of Export 'As' and soooo many empty beer bottles.

VB Hits The Big Screen

The true story of Lana Belton and Ben Peterson’s first love has been whispered about around VB for years. Finally, legendary Swedish director Jans Lund has brought the epic story of youth, lust and smouldering misbehaviour to the big screen. Elizabeth Sankey plays young Lana, while Jeremy Warmsley portrays little Ben. Cameos by the rest of the Kelvin gang appear throughout (check out Josh roughing up Ben at the 2:02 mark!). Check out the trailer and see you on August 1st, 2011 at the Clubhouse for the world premiere.

SUMMER CAMP - Round the Moon from Paddy Power on Vimeo.

1974 Sunfish

Board Sailing Phycology

Four Sailors Suspended In Boat-Clearing Brawl

VICTORIA BEACH, MANITOBA— famed yacht club V.B.Y.C. suspended four sailors from the Wild Ace of Gimli and the Wind Rider/Speedy Pete Racing Teams Friday for their part in an ugly boat-clearing brawl during the 33rd Red Eye Cup. Wind Rider skipper Aaron Schott reportedly triggered the melee when he charged the foredeck after Wild Ace’s after guard Matt Macleod slab-reefed while their boat was on port tack. "These two teams have a history," said Wild Ace Skipper Ryan Van Berkel referring to last year's race when an overly aggressive jibe caused both catamarans to clear. "It was pretty inevitable something was going to happen this time. You could tell they were out for blood." On-the-water umpires immediately ejected Schott, who was then forced to swim 17 miles to shore.

best day in awhile

Victoria Beach Wind Archive - 8/04/2010

me and benny ripped to VB after work. shredded from 6:30pm to 9. wind picked up consistently until way overpowered on 5.4 and getting dark. dope.
good site for past & present VB wind

From VBYC Twitter Accounts

Friends. On a lake. Twittering their goddamn faces off.

Aaron Schott: Wind Rider just cruisng! Gonna buzz the tower and check out the peple fishing. O fuck y!

Ryan van Berkel: S-rolls for bfast. Great chats on the boat with DJ MacLoud! Wind just cranked up to 6 knots. Glad I brought my helmet. Fellas laughed at the face mask but better safe than sorry

Macleod: Berkel is driving me nuts. And he’s wearing a fucking hockey helmet

Ken Taylor: "What's the frequency, Kenneth? is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed!!!" Kids, put the Henkel on ice!

Benny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roger: Finally found a cool chick who loves sailing. Happiness is a Hobie Cat. My life couldn’t be any better. Not that I’m gonna admit it

Paloma: Can’t believe I have to spend all this time sailing with Roger just to be able to party ourt here. Oh well, shaker at Nollie’s tonight: Better board up your screens Nollie!

Chippers: Hope Gary doesn’t mind that I borroed his gear. Weird that his place was all locked up

Dispatches from Ryan van Berkel. . .

Just wanted to update you all on my travels. It feels like I’ve been away for a long time! I’ve seen some pretty cool things since I’ve been on the road. The students are really keen to learn about sailing. Some of them are pretty talented! But of course not as talented as my friends back home at VB!;) Here are some pics from Northern Manitoba, a part of the world that some of us don’t know all that well. Miss you guys and I’m trying not to get too homesick. Can’t wait to see you soon for some stories about all that you’ve been up to - and maybe even a beer! Ha ha ha ha



This is Denzel Eriksson and his falcon, Neil. He’s in charge of the Churchill Yacht Club.



A traditional residence in the Swan Valley region. The customs and people are so different across our province! I really feel like I’ve found myself on this trip. Beside the tent is a neighbourhood sailing enthusiast who guided me around town and did some translating for us. She was a pretty neat lady!



Some people don't know this but each northern Manitoban region has a distinctive culinary tradition. This was a traditional meal served at Duck Bay, on the eastern edge of Lake Winnipegosis - just five hours from River Heights! (And talk about spicy, I was drinking milk like crazy! Ha)



And of course we got to do some sailing! This obviously isn’t the boat we taught the kids on! Ha ha!



Mountains, just east of Flin Flon. Too bad I left my skis at home!

Bye for now!

RW Van Berkel

Finally Carl pulls through

Lake Winnipeg - south basin

Strong wind warning in effect
Issued 03:00 AM CDT 29 June 2010 Today Tonight and Wednesday
Strong wind warning in effect.
Wind light increasing to southeast 15 knots late this afternoon and to 20 Wednesday morning.

Extended Forecast
Issued 03:00 AM CDT 29 June 2010
Thursday
Wind southeast 25 knots.
Friday
Wind south 30 knots diminishing to southeast 15 late in the day.
Saturday
Wind south 30 knots diminishing to southwest 15.

Bob on slalom gear - extended version

22 seconds in it's super awesome.

Funier Blog Post Below - Read It!

Memories of this upcoming weekend



"You're a disaster" - in the best way possible. Get laughed out.



"Watch those Camels, Peg, they're nine-tenths of the vacation."



Boyder and Mittens' band just got cooler - but who's Kenny Walters?

G8 Meets for "Summit" in Muskokas

"Fuck that was sweet" said US President Barack Obama as he lit a cigarette and pulled his windsurfing gear up onto a Muskoka Lake dock. Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper staggered to his feet amid a slew of empty Molson Canadian cans and the shattered remains of an Adirondack chair and agreed; "Fucking 25 knots motherfucker! Jeeeaaaaahhh. Look at that fucking pussy Sarkozy swimming his shit back in!" The French President was struggling to get back to shore while Japanese PM Naoto Kan and new British PM David Cameron circled him with a series of high-speed carve gybes. Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi then stumbled onto the dock in a torn wetsuit with a half-empty 40oz. bottle of vodka, pointed towards a thicket of bushes on shore and slurred something about 'finally getting something from the goddamn ruskies'. He was likely referring to Russian President Dimitry Medvedev, who was face down in the bush and still wearing his harness. "Hahaha, how dope is it that we're spending all the taxpayers' money on this rad windsurfing trip?" asked Obama. "Super dope," replied Harper. Taking a long pull from his bottle, Berlusconi chimed in; "I'm just trying to get some ass - where's that kraut Merkel?" Moments later the German Chancellor sauntered down the hill towards the dock topless sipping a marguerita straight out of the blender and said "where's the fucking weed at?"

elk-ida puts on weight for 2010

Goddamn motherfucking Bob Naish

Sheet In

Long awaited sheet preview 2010















Ooooh baby . . .

Seventy-three men sailed up from the Yacht Club fuckin' Bay....

this one's for MC Leod and his brand new Bare's


the hip


sometimes i don't know why schootsie gets frightened of six months in a leaky boat


for the laser sailors

Motivational Office Posters Now Available !

Wrapping up the 2010 Profiles

Ken Taylor

Ken Taylor has spent the past few weeks knee deep in neoprene and fibreglass patching his wetsuit and his boat in preparation for another season as Commodore of VBYC. No need to ask what the frequency is this summer as Kenneth has shooed all the rats out of his sailing gear and stepped the proverbial mast for Summer 2010. Hopes abound that Kenny T and the rest of the Yacht Club membership can make at least one decision this summer after a series of well-publicized meetings held over the winter at his Cactus Cove home in the heart of the cruel desert of South St. Vital accomplished absolutely nothing. Alas, it must be noted that K-Dog's heart and soul are focused on competition and he will likely hold racing first and foremost. Rumour has it that Killer-T has wielded his power as Commodore to sanction a series of late-night single-boat 'races' on dates of which only he knows. Those points should help the defending champ hold onto the multi-hull title along with what VBYC racing analysts are calling a 'sure bet' for another Course Corrector trophy. Though last year's public celebration was remarkably reserved, suspicions of a private celebration were later confirmed. An interview with Traverse Bay Corner staff revealed that the old tar had purchased an entire case of Presidential Sparkling Wine in the hours leading up to the awards ceremony and the subsequent issue of 'Policeman's Corner' in the VB Herald put aside any doubt. The article read: "VB Police responded to complaints of excessive noise at approximately 2:40am early Sunday morning at a summer residence in the restricted area. Corporal Lindsey Stevens detained a wetsuit clad man pouring champagne (later identified as sparkling wine) all over himself as Queen's "We are the Champions/We will rock you" played on repeat at an inappropriate volume through a portable stereo. The man was later released as he cited an important pending engagment at 10am that morning at 2 Victoria Bay." Regardless of Summer MMX racing developments, late night revellers at the annual Wind-up can be assured of a sangria-soaked plea from K-Bomb for help de-rigging his boat.

More Summer 2010

Jonathan Beardsley

You thought he was dead? Or in Brazil? Yeah, so did we. But nope, Beardo has been in town all winter. Resting, presumably, for 2010. Whether he’s being torn into at his own Thanksgiving dinner, or bringing his hipster front to the sandy shores of CHouse Beach, this guy’s friendly demeanour always brightens the mood. An original windsurfer among his generation, look for The Big Struggle to be a force to be reckoned with this summer - or not, it’s hard to tell. But we love him.

Christopher Chipman

Slowly rebuilding the VB bridges he systematically burned one at a time through his teenage years, this wildcat is looking to contend in a serious way in 2010. A long-time windsurfer and founding Elk-Idaist, Chris brings the heat. Yet another strong curler (seriously, what is with the fucking curling?) Chippers is like a fine wine - in that they’re both awesome to party with. Though his work schedule conflicts with maximum shredding, at one point this spring he’s going to drive down to VB, stop by his cottage to grab Heshbag’s Iphone, cruise the Yacht, rig up Benny’s gear and blow everyone’s mind. Go Dip!

Jeremy Ritsema

Multi-hull extraordinaire. Some people thought this guy’s predilection for Hobie’s was a result of having the legs of a runway model. But then he got up on an old windsurfer pulled behind a motorboat and stayed on for almost two hours. At one point he lit a cigarette - with both hands. This guy’s good at anything water-based. It doesn’t hurt that Ol’ Jers has two mentors: not only is he the son of Kron Ritsema, he’s also been making challenging cuts for Hankus Lodekus for years. With his golden locks and benign temperament it comes as no surprise that Mr. Ritsema is a sought after name for companies hoping for endorsements. In the past year he has appeared in commercials for Heinz’s new juice line, HJ!; Export ‘A’ Gold cigarettes ("Ever smoked the Gold at the end of a rainbow?"); and Ya Ya, the popular energy bar. Whatever Jers is selling, we’re buying in 2010.

Ryan van Berkel

Superfriend Ryan van Berkel, where to start? A relative newcomer to Number 2 Victoria Avenue, Berkel has taken the place by storm. Two years ago he joined the club and quickly mastered windsurfing, without ever using his gear. Last year he followed in His Honour Orest Dackow’s footsteps and transitioned to multi-hulls. His racing season was hobbled by his innate sociability but he and crew Matthew Macleod were serious contenders for each of the Club’s two hotly contested bingo derbies. As a potential manager of Alexander James Tooley’s 2012 commodore bid, van Berkel has lately been the subject of intense speculation. Though insiders report that a tension-filled curling season opened a fissure between skip and crew, both camp van Berkel and camp Macleod claim they are on good terms and are hoping for the best in 2010. Furhter, reports surfaced last week suggesting that Mr. van Berkel was considering a purchase of the Moonlight-In. His lawyer, an Aikins star, denied those reports (or at least that’s what we think he was saying - he wasn’t, shall we say, perfectly coherent). A blog post drew attention yesterday when it speculated that Mr. van Berkle’s recent trip to Toronto was to visit a specialized dermatologist to treat a rare skin condition caused by uncontrollable rubbing of the neck. Yep, this guy is a gossip-mill: if he’s not the subject, he’s the source. Chances are, he’ll also be the source of some swell sailing for years to come.

More Summer 2010

Benjamin Peterson

Two or three years ago, as the wind pushed past 30 knots, Aaron Vincent asked BoPie if he’d cruise by the pier for some action shots. Ben, having windsurfed all morning reluctantly agreed. He looked tired. After fighting through that widow-making onshore Clubhouse break, Benny screamed past the pier ten or fifteen times. Vincent crouched on the pier, his legs curled under him at impossible angles, a plastic bag stretched over his ridiculous camera. Back on the beach, we watched as Ben crashed onto shore, exhausted. Someone ran into the water to grab his battered gear. Benny vomited all over his wetsuit and then fell onto his back. Chenzo got off his towel and causally strode down to the water. He looked over the collapsed snarfer. "Peterson . . . if you don’t get closer to the pier, I’m not even going to bother taking your picture. You’re just wasting my time here." As Penny McMorris once pointed out from the Yacht Club deck, this kid is an aggressive fucking windsurfer. Though not a born windsman like fellow Elk-Ideist AJ Tooley, or a rig-mauling beast like Pooh-Bear Sorensen, Bennay is still his generation’s premier talent. If in 2010 you glance out onto that cruel mistress of a lake in a blistering gale you will see Roland, Ted, maybe a McCaig - and this fella.


Matthew Macleod

Matt Macleod isn’t actually that short, but for some reason he seems like it. Maybe it’s because he’s weighed down by his gravitas. Whatever, it’s killer on a boat. This guy is quickly making a name for himself among the old bulls around the Yacht Club. On day last year Kenneth Taylor asked who the young bearded gentleman was. Someone said ‘Mittens’. Kenneth said I thought that guy was Mittens. 'No' we said, 'that’s Muffin'. KT looked confused. But KT always looks confused so don’t sweat it. Another individual coming off a hot curling season, Mr. Macleod was long rumoured to be looking to trade-up to a more prestigious boat. Those rumours have died off but insiders report there are negotiations ongoing between Mr. Macleod and his skip Ryan van Berkel as to who will be in command for 2010. The only certainty is that together, they are an almost frighteningly friendly team. So when that flag pole starts clanking annoyingly as a crisp wind slaps across the bay, look for Macleod’s Cheshire grin to be replaced by a slightly more conservative smile: it’s business time.

More Summer 2010

Alexander James Tooley

With a group of friends, Sir Mark Tooley bought a limousine and drove it sporadically through much of the 1980s. Lauren Skelly was, as a newborn, brought home from the hospital in it. The gang gave a friend of theirs a chauffeur’s hat and paid her to drive them around. Once, they saw her wearing the hat off-duty. She was fired on the spot. Yeah, the Tooleys have great stories. And it’s likely AJ will make some new ones this summer. Some of those stories will undoubtedly derive from on-water antics. This aristo-cat has a legendary feel for the wind, and is technically among Elk-Ida’s finest sailors: it has been said he can maneuver a windsurfer through the neck of a beer bottle - but he claims he’s never tried. Fresh off an award-winning curling season, AJ is set to put it on smash. This Friday, he and Conrad Black host a white tie wake for Bryn Oliver where the glitterati will party like it’s 2006 - leave your Roots sweatshirt at home.

More Summer 2010

James Thomas

On rare occasions when he isn't dining with his family or reading a novel under the shade of an Elm tree in the Village Green, James Thomas can usually be found enjoying the sunny Western end of the Yacht Club deck. Indeed, on a beautiful Saturday morning James is often the first member of the non-racing crowd to arrive and can be counted on for a warm welcome, pizza bun, fresh Export Gold, and the latest news from the New York Times. The eldest son of Greg 'Big Cat' Thomas, renowned sailor and longtime VBYC member, is filling his father's sailing shoes confidently but respectfully as he keeps the family's monohull tradition alive with strong windsurfing skills and impeccable style. It has been alledged that his commitment to a single hull is so strong that James has never once set foot on a Hobie Cat. While the rumoured ambition of 2012 Commodoreship proved to be unfounded speculation and disappointed many members of the Club, it is reassuring to know that James is carrying a lot of sail into the unknown waters of Summer MMX.

Yacht Club 2010

This starts a week-long series previewing the 2010 Victoria Beach Yacht Club racing season . . .

Roger Ritsema

Rarely has crewing been quite so ice-cold. Mr. Ritsema famously brings a degree of menacing nonchalance and blue-eyed aloofness to 2 Victoria Street (where the venerable Yacht Club gazes out onto the steely water). Mr. Ritsema spent the winter training at the University of Winnipeg’s elite Nautical Centre under master skip and former federal Minister for Water Sports, Dr. Lloydington P. Axworthy. In January, Mr. Ritsema led a much-publicized research expedition to the frozen edge of the Elk Island World Heritage Site. An account of the expedition was published in Science but was questioned on the veracity of some of its more surreal assertions - piles of frozen fish heads and lone wolfs loping out into the frigid horizon? Yeah, right Rog. Known for his seriousness and dedication to craft, the North End born legacy of seafarer Kronald Ritsema was spotted last week crooning at a hip Village speak-easy. You can bet the song was from Top Gun because this young guy is a true Iceman.

Tom Aldridge

This Beach Cat has sired more rumours than Bruce Fuckin’ Willis (that's a pun on Rumer Willis for you losers who haven't torn the roof off with her and L.Lo at the Manning's formerly annual Gin Bash). Is this the year Tom gets back on a boat with his father, Chris ‘Adult Dance’ Aldridge? We honestly have no clue - but we did see his picture in the paper one day, which may or may not have been planted by the Aldridge’s PR people in advance of a high-profile comeback. Good thing he works for Canadian Linen, because if this fearsome pro is back on a boat this summer, his opponents are going to be wiping away a lot of tears.

Daniel Schott

Schootsie has more nicknames than the Wu put together. That’s the way this elusive cat rolls. Does he live at VB? Calgary? On Victoria Island? Bermuda? In February he was photographed sipping a Mulberry (believe me it’s a cocktail, it's just that people here aren’t cool enough to know about it yet) with Joe Biden, Chloe Sevigny, and the world’s foremost Grace Kelly impersonator at a hotel bar in Ibiza. Yeah, that Ibiza. So what does summer 2010 have in store for Za Muff? - You think we'd know? Speculation abounds that he has finally combined his one-seat hovercraft and 18 foot Hobie into a well-lacquered superboat. Don’t bet on it. Speculation abounds that he’s finally going to open his under-Shack lair-slash-windsurfing museum to his friends and the interested public. Don’t bet on it. Speculation abounds that he will replace his brother with Obama’s latest nominee for the Supreme Court, Elena Caveman Kagan, as his crew in high wind races. But you know, don’t bet on it.

- Compiled from briefing notes kept by Allen Willoughby

Chamesin' His Tune: Thomas Out; Tooley Now Rich People's Last Best Hope

Winnipeg - A contender for the Victoria Beach Yacht Club Commodoreship has unequivocally withdrawn from the race and swung his full support behind Alexander James Tooley. A spokesman for Chames Thomas held a brief press conference on the grounds of the Legislature yesterday afternoon. The spokesman declined to speak specifically on Mr. Thomas’ reasons for quitting the race but speculation persists that he is considering accepting an ivory tower position at the London School of Economics.

Others insist that such a position would never be accepted by Mr. Thomas on the grounds that it fundamentally compromises his political persona. Mr. Thomas’ parents, a lowly civil servant and an architectural historian have long been invoked as his connecting point to the working class who are his political base. The family’s rickety cottage tilts precariously amongst the grime and despair of Victoria Beach’s notorious Fifth Avenue. Others point out that a private school education, time spent studying at the posh University of Toronto, and grandparents who attended Harvard University undermine this image. Indeed, critics doubt whether or not Mr. Thomas would be seen to be a darling of the working poor, had his rival not been the son of Sir Mark Tooley, an influential member of Sunset Avenue’s landed class and former editor of the powerful weekly newspaper.

A spokesman for Mr. Tooley expressed his thanks for Mr. Thomas’ support. It has not been a terrific week for the Tooley camp as a scandal at his former high school - the elite St. John’s-Ravenscourt - has re-opened questions about the closed and secretive world of privilege from which Mr. Tooley comes. Moreover, tension has run high amongst the Tooley clan as there have been delays on the family’s massive renovation of their palatial estate. The family’s contractor is scrambling to find an appropriately large diamond from which the kitchen sink will be carved.

In addition, speculation persists that Mr. Tooley is wooing political strategist and powerful social convener Ryan van Berkel to help with his campaign. Mr. van Berkel recently played an instrumental role in helping elect Dr. Richard Ratball to the VBYC Board of Governors. He has also frequently been retained by Victoria Beach’s Peterson family to help with public relations. For his part Mr. van Berkel has had his own embarassing scandal to worry about. This past winter the famous "What does she like" text message was leaked to the world. On Tuesday evening was photographed in meetings with Tooley aides at an upscale hamburger shop.

- Herald Staff Reporter

Local Sailor Double-crossed

Winnipeg - Emotions ran high last night as a lone mono-hull sailor was lured into a Colonial Age brick fortification with promises of cold beer before being barraged by a team of multi-hull sailors with designs on conversion. Under dark skies, the lone sailor was picked up from his home by one of the crusaders in a sleek black sedan driven by a non-sailing third party. The unassuming passenger was then given a false sense of security as the conspirators plied him with psychoactive drugs and soothing early 70’s music. Upon arrival at the residence of the second crusader, the lone sailor was led through a locked wrought-iron gate and through a bare hallway into a room marked only by letters and numbers. The room was sparsely decorated save for a multitude of maps - which are believed to indicate the location of hotspots for multi-hull activity. Multi-hull propaganda, including a catalogue for Hobie Cat and a local trade magazine known to occasionally publish advertisements for used multi-hulls, was strewn about the room. Upon realization of his predicament, the trapped sailor attempted to gain the offensive edge with facts about the maneuverability and control of a mono-hull, but was soon overwhelmed by loud music and nonsensical comments from the enraged duo while the un-associated third party grinned unsettlingly and chuckled occasionally but spoke no words. A cursory glance at the wall revealed a shattered picture frame - evidence of a previous struggle. After becoming attuned to the futility of his situation, the mono-hull sailor shrewdly changed the subject and began plotting his retaliation while he indulged in the cool beer that had originally enticed him.
- Herald Staff reporter

Rumors and speculation heating up in run-up to 2012 VBYC Commodore election

Rumors and speculation have been swirling from the highest mast post down to the lowest sun starved sand beneath the yacht club deck of a possible election showdown between friends Alexander James Tooley and Jamie Thomas for the VBYC commodore position in 2012.
Thomas a long time VBYC member and sailing advocate is considered a rising star in Provincial politics in Manitoba. Thomas’ political prowess has not gone unnoticed as the Provincial New Democrat Party have taken more than a cursory glance at the young man, perhaps looking to groom him for a post in the future. An unnamed party official agreed that a commodore title at his age would do well to raise a few eyebrows among the party elite. Many hours spent contemplating in reserved silence under the dome of the legislative building is said to be building what most pundits believe to be a steely level headed resolve that could be the mark of a great leader.
While Thomas‘ racing history at the club is less than complete or spectacular, it is believed his father, both VBYC and VB community pillar Greg “Big Cat”Thomas is more than willing to dole out sound advice about the finer technical points of yacht racing, appealing to the pro-racing voters who have historically held sway within the club.
Tooley, also a long standing member at the VBCY and executive of the VBYC expansion committee is a burgeoning player among the commodity exchanges around the world famous Portage and Main financial capital of Manitoba. Renown for being well dressed for all occasions and delighting more than a few with his wit and charm at social gatherings, the man seems poised for a quick rise toward the elite of Winnipeg. His future vision and steadfastness to “make things happen” align Tooley with the younger more untamed members of the club.
Tooley, a onetime junior sailing champion and respected instructor of monohull sailing fundamentals and racing, more recently seems to have turned his back on his roots in favor of the less structured and more carefree class of windsurfing, surely not boding well to win over voting purists of the sport. When asked of his famously quick exits from commitments and social situations when the leaves in the trees begin to rustle the unflappable and brazenly honest Tooley delivers the famous Moitessier refrain: You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time toward the open sea, it goes, that’s all”
A potential Sunset backyard seasonal windup on the Tooley estate has many members openly discussing their party attire and in what range of quality and temperature the beer would served, harkening back to decades ago when only the finest landscapes and chilled beer that VB had to offer would be acceptable to the yachting members.
While Tooley has the backing of the venerable and influential “Sunset strip” crowd, Thomas’ working class roots and “middle of the avenues” common sense approach to issues is likely to appeal to undecided voters. It has been conjectured that renowned party planner and generally well organized yacht club member Ryan Van Berkel has been approached quietly by both sides to gauge interest in a said to be lofty campaign post. Van Berkel refused to comment when reached. Thomas also would not confirm what has oft been rumored would be his campaign slogan: “Chames you can believe in”.
- VBYC Insider

Anxiously awaiting the upcoming season.....

Ice like Winnipeg

this is pretty neat

quenching

From the Archives: August 31st, 2008

Victoria Beach - A community lost an icon last night at the Victoria Beach Yacht Club’s annual wind-up soiree when a reveler seemingly fell onto a storied white Styrofoam cooler. Details are sketchy but eyewitness accounts claim that VBYC member Ben Peterson was dancing wildly when he lost his balance and fell onto the cooler which exploded releasing water, ice and ice cold cans of beer across the club’s plywood floor. Attempts to resuscitate the cooler were made at the scene, but were unsuccessful.

The coffin-shaped Styrofoam cooler was sent to the club by Chinese Premier Wen Jiabo in the early 1980s as a threat after the VBYC Sailing School chose to buy German-built optimists over the Chinese design. It immediately became a fixture at the club’s wind-ups. Bruce Guest remembers the first wind-up with the cooler. "As we filled it up, we knew it looked like a relatively decent cooler, but when we started pulling beers out of it, we knew how special it really was," said Guest. "God those beers were so cold."

The coffin, as it was known to the club’s members, became an ironic symbol of hope during the dark years of the late 1990s and early 2000s when the decline of the monohull fleet decimated races and Commodore power struggles led to deep divisions among the sailing community. In the last few years an influx of windsurfers has powered the club’s resurgence, and the cooler, having long been half-empty, again seemed almost to burst with beers for the burgeoning community. Long time member and former Chief Safety Officer, Jeff Hughes, could only shake his when told of the news. "Through thick and thin," he said, "we always had the coffin."

Police Chief Stewart McPherson said that the incident is being treated as an accident and that there seems to have been no malice in Mr. Peterson’s actions. "Though Mr. Peterson is known to us, we have no reason to suspect this was anything other than an unfortunate set of circumstances," said Chief McPherson. Mr. Peterson is best known as the older cousin of windsurfing phenom Andreas Sudermann. He was last in the news after a widely publicized incident at a Victoria Beach reunion of his prominent family. Mr. Peterson was not available for comment.

- Herald Staff Reporter

Soft spoken, sinister, sharply dressed goateed man applies sophisticated mind control techniques, brings down expansion proposal

Flying in the face of reports on a popular wind sailing blog, members of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club (VBYC) who thought they had voted down a club expansion proposal of their own volition, it seems were sadly duped by an apparently unassuming well dressed goateed man. Appearing inconspicuous and purporting to be afraid to be a “turd in the punch bowl” a seemingly quiet, shadowy character whom afterwards VBYC members could not readily identify, went on a precise verbal barrage against the proposed plan, referencing impressive sounding architectural terms and phrases and barely masking his contempt for the plan and everyone else in the room.
In hindsight this highly intelligible sounding rant had a remarkable effect on the audience, many members began to eschew their previous thoughts about the proposal and their opinions began to strangely align with the soft spoken closely cropped goateed man. As the vote proceed to be heavily in favor of rejecting the proposal, a creepy sinister smile eased on to the man’s face and his eyes flared for a moment. It appears some members were able to keep their wits about them and vote for the obviously strong proposal, whether this was all a part of some master plan has yet to be revealed. Following the vote the man seemed to have slipped out of the room unnoticed, an area resident reported seeing a slick, confident man walking toward a vehicle mumbling in a deep powerful voice about “Phase one” being “complete”.
VBYC members questioned afterward could not readily give any strong reasons as to why they had voted down the proposal and many admitted to having a “hazy” memory of the actual vote and events preceding it. Reflecting on the bizarre circumstances one can only reasonably assume that the smartly dressed goateed fellow had implemented urbane mind control techniques in order to bow the course of the meeting and secure the vote in his regard. It can only be assumed that the mysterious man is in his lair, plodding and planning a sinister phase two for the VBYC expansion.

- VBYC Insider

Tooley-McMorris Proposal Crushed

South St. Vital - The co-chair of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club's Expansion Committee had his proposal crushed last night in an 11-3 vote. Alexander James Tooley had put forward a Ted Geddert design which would have almost doubled the size of the VBYC’s current facility. The aesthetics of the proposed plan seemed to be the sticking point. "I want to vote for this, I really do" said club member Dr. Richard Ratball, "but I just can’t get past the looks".
Many feel the expansion committee made a tactical blunder in making Mr. Tooley the meeting’s non-voting chair. Chris Aldridge, a long time Club secretary and canned beverage enthusiast suggested that had Tooley been able to cast a vote it may have stimulated a groundswell in support. "You never know," said Mr. Aldridge, "you get one more vote early and maybe guys start to want to not be seen as the stick-in-the-muds." However, after talking to members of Mr. Tooley's staff it was not clear how deeply he supported his own proposal. The evening's proceedings were marked by a strange sense of ambivalence towards the project which, to take effect, would ultimately have to receive royal assent from King Orest Dackow.
Two of the proposal's supporters, Roger Ritsema and Jamie Thomas (voting on behalf of his father, 1988 Redeye winner, Greg Thomas) were roundly criticized for not having supported the view with more enthusiasm. "Pretty weak" was the opinion of one of the meeting’s staffers who wished to remain anonymous in order to comment on internal matters, "those guys have reputations as bringing an articulate view to the table but they were just ineffective - if you don’t make a case for it, no one will vote your way." An aide to Mr. Ritsema shrugged off the criticism. "Our feeling was that the time and price was right, but having said that, I don’t think anyone in that room was comfortable with the design," he said. Ryan van Berkle, a senior member of Sailing Manitoba, was also largely quiet save for moving a motion that would have equipped the club with a direct line to the Moonlight Inn. The motion was soundly defeated. Mr. Ritsema was clearly surprised by the motion, "I’m not sure, at this point, that anyone is worrying about those kind of details."
Mr. Tooley and fellow expansion committee member Ivan McMorris left the meeting in a black town car and have not been available for comment.
After the meeting Jeremy Ritsema, who voiced the first complaint against the project's design and is widely viewed as the architect of the expansion plan’s defeat, stood under a Cactus Cove streetlight to address members of the media. "I think there are good things happening at the Club," said Mr.Ritsema, "But this plan was simply not the right route. The desire to move forward is clearly there, and that's exciting, but we cannot waste members' money on a design that is flawed conceptually and, frankly, aesthetically," he added, lighting a cigarette.

- Herald Staff Reporter

The dip gets tired after a long day on the water

Alexander James Actually Pretty Good at Windsurfing Now

VICTORIA BEACH—Four years after being blasted as an elitist for his Ivy League education, wealthy background, and hobby of windsurfing, sources say that Alexander James has in fact become quite proficient at the water-based leisure sport.


"After losing the VBYC Commodore election in such a humiliating and disgraceful manner, Alexander really threw himself into windsurfing, and I'm happy to say it paid off," said James’s longtime adviser and windsurfing coach, Gary Albl. "Everyone claimed he was too wishy-washy and didn't have a thick skin, so he said he'd show them all, and he did. His T-bones and slamjibes speak for themselves."
Albl, like many of James's friends, said the defeat at the polls may have actually been a blessing in disguise, since it allowed the Young Associate from Manitoba to spend more time on his true passion. As evidence of the incredible progress James has made in the last four years, Gary pointed out that the former Commodore candidate is now able to perform a number of freestyle moves and some light carving without hurting himself. James also reportedly knows all about tacks now, and can stay on the board a full minute longer than he could during the last Club Commodore campaign.
In addition, his water starts have matured significantly.
Besides upgrading his windsurfing board class from Freeride to Formula Windsurfing, aides said he has made strides in other areas to escape his image as an out-of-touch patrician. According to a press release from his office, James can now play eighteen holes of golf at a public course, as well as meet large groups of factory workers without wincing, and remember that his favorite Bob Dylan song is "Lay Lady Lay" without first checking with a handler.
It is not known whether Alexander James intends to use his new skills in a future presidential run. When reporters reached him for comment, he was being swept into Yacht Club Bay by a 35 mph gust of wind.

Newsflash-----

Victoria Beach, MB, Canada - In a splash heard 'round the world, local windsurfer Richard Ratball successfully aired over the Goverment Pier. One insider called the feat "the biggest thing to happen in windsurfing since Ben Peterson's alledged heroics out by Backloop Point." Ratball singlehandedly ended speculation on whether or not the six foot tall, twenty foot wide structure could be jumped. When asked if the landing was clean, witness Aaron Schott said, "Oh fuck yeah. God, he just stomped it, gybed, and cruised back towards Clubhouse Beach." Upon arrival at Clubhouse Beach, windsurfers hoping to congratulate Ratball were disappointed when they found only his gear surrounded by several empty beer cans and cigarette butts. Ratball has not been seen or heard from since; the only confirmation of his existence being a crudely scribbled application to the local yacht club found days after the historic accomplishment.

Local Commodore leads double (triple?) life

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Obscure multi-hull sailor dominates regattas
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Diplomat shelters Americans in secret deal between USA & Canada
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He wore a shirt of violent green.
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the peg

Dryland Training

Chames just "love(s)it when Poppa Van Berkel takes us out on excursions."