Winnipeg - Emotions ran high last night as a lone mono-hull sailor was lured into a Colonial Age brick fortification with promises of cold beer before being barraged by a team of multi-hull sailors with designs on conversion. Under dark skies, the lone sailor was picked up from his home by one of the crusaders in a sleek black sedan driven by a non-sailing third party. The unassuming passenger was then given a false sense of security as the conspirators plied him with psychoactive drugs and soothing early 70’s music. Upon arrival at the residence of the second crusader, the lone sailor was led through a locked wrought-iron gate and through a bare hallway into a room marked only by letters and numbers. The room was sparsely decorated save for a multitude of maps - which are believed to indicate the location of hotspots for multi-hull activity. Multi-hull propaganda, including a catalogue for Hobie Cat and a local trade magazine known to occasionally publish advertisements for used multi-hulls, was strewn about the room. Upon realization of his predicament, the trapped sailor attempted to gain the offensive edge with facts about the maneuverability and control of a mono-hull, but was soon overwhelmed by loud music and nonsensical comments from the enraged duo while the un-associated third party grinned unsettlingly and chuckled occasionally but spoke no words. A cursory glance at the wall revealed a shattered picture frame - evidence of a previous struggle. After becoming attuned to the futility of his situation, the mono-hull sailor shrewdly changed the subject and began plotting his retaliation while he indulged in the cool beer that had originally enticed him.
- Herald Staff reporter