Thursday, June 24, 2010
G8 Meets for "Summit" in Muskokas
"Fuck that was sweet" said US President Barack Obama as he lit a cigarette and pulled his windsurfing gear up onto a Muskoka Lake dock. Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper staggered to his feet amid a slew of empty Molson Canadian cans and the shattered remains of an Adirondack chair and agreed; "Fucking 25 knots motherfucker! Jeeeaaaaahhh. Look at that fucking pussy Sarkozy swimming his shit back in!" The French President was struggling to get back to shore while Japanese PM Naoto Kan and new British PM David Cameron circled him with a series of high-speed carve gybes. Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi then stumbled onto the dock in a torn wetsuit with a half-empty 40oz. bottle of vodka, pointed towards a thicket of bushes on shore and slurred something about 'finally getting something from the goddamn ruskies'. He was likely referring to Russian President Dimitry Medvedev, who was face down in the bush and still wearing his harness. "Hahaha, how dope is it that we're spending all the taxpayers' money on this rad windsurfing trip?" asked Obama. "Super dope," replied Harper. Taking a long pull from his bottle, Berlusconi chimed in; "I'm just trying to get some ass - where's that kraut Merkel?" Moments later the German Chancellor sauntered down the hill towards the dock topless sipping a marguerita straight out of the blender and said "where's the fucking weed at?"