from Windsurfing Magazine, September 1866

Windsurfing Magazine: We’re sitting here with windsurfing legend Mark Twain. Mark, thanks for being here.

Mark Twain: No problem bra.

WM: I hear you had a few big weeks last summer. Tell me about it.

Twain: I had just published the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to total critical acclaim and was kicking it a lot with some friends of mine who were on R n’ R from the b-field, dudes that saw Gettysburg and shit. Blue jacket and cannon ball shit. Gnar. They were looking for something to roll back on and we just thought: Gorge, wind, ripping. Simple as that.

WM: What kind of gear were you on?

Twain: Dude I had burnt so many bridges by that point that I was using whatever I had lying around. None of those corporate sponsor guys could stomach me and my antics, man. Who needs it though, right bra? Fatcats and shit. I just use whatever’s under my feet bra. Beer over gear, dude. Right?

WM: I guess so. Pretty wild times on that trip?

Twain: The night we got there we pulled our carts and buggies in at like midnight. There in the tavern is a bunch of dudes I knew from back in Illinois. And none other than the man himself: Abraham Fucking Lincoln! They were just PARTYING. Anyway, long story short, next thing I remember I’m tearing apart a 4.8 in a 32 knot sou’easter, buck naked except for Lincoln’s hat. Abe never let me forget that shit. Makes me well up just thinking about how much I miss dude. Fuck y'all n- that shot Big Poppa!

WM: Jesus.

Twain: I get shakey just thinking about that weekend.

WM: I’ll bet. Tell me about your windsurfing memoir, 'Adventures of Huckin’Barrels on a short Fin'. The Quaker Times called it ‘more relevant than the constitution’.

Twain: I’d be sitting in my cabin, alone in the woods, bra, and I’d be writing certain passages about ripping and I’d actually feel my b’s creeping towards my a. That’s when I knew this book would be good. No Twain, no gain - alright . . .

WM: Any last words for the kids, Mark?

Twain: Watch your skulls bra!