Saturday, September 24, 2011

Ritsema Says Unexplained Blackouts From Which he Wakes Up Covered In Beer Won't Affect Ability To Lead Project:

Gibson Road, Victoria Beach—VBYC Expansion Project Manager hopeful Jeremy Ritsema fired back Wednesday at critics who have said the V.B. contractor’s ability to lead the project would be greatly hindered by his frequent, hours-long blackouts from which he invariably awakens covered in beer. "This is a complete nonissue—who among us hasn't gotten the occasional blinding headache only to wake up totally nude two days later in an abandoned church, covered from head to toe in Old Milwaukee and with absolutely no recollection of what happened in the intervening time?" said Ritsema, later adding that he is otherwise healthy and, in fact, is fairly certain he gets a significant amount of aerobic exercise during his prolonged fugue states. "I think I can handle the job of running the expansion project just fine even if now and again I have one of my little spells where I come to in the middle of Elk Island tightly gripping a crunched pack of butts in one hand and a ragged piece of what I think was Ken Taylor’s wet suit in the other." Many club members have expressed doubt regarding Ritsema’s project managing chances, citing the 1988 loss of Aaron Schott to Ben Pederson after it was discovered the once prominent Scott descendant had cooked and eaten a cold cheese sandwich while sleepwalking.

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