Osama Bin Ripping Killed; Body Buried at Sea

Osama Bin Ripping – The iconic Elk-Aida leader who inspired a global windsurfing jihad against wind sponges – was killed by Victoria Beach Special Forces during a fierce firefight in the sand dunes known as the bat caves near Clubhouse Beach. After his identity was confirmed he was buried at sea, a VB Police official stated.

Bin Ripping has been at the top of the Victoria Beach Police's most wanted list for over a decade, due to the infamous July 11th 2000 or "7/11" atrocities in which Bin Ripping masterminded a series of Elk-Aida coordinated shredding attacks on epic waves off of Clubhouse beach resulting in unprecedented loss of girlfriends among windsponges. Special Ops team member Lee Stevens remembers the incident vividly: "I was pretty young but I still remember my older brother (Special Ops team leader) Lindsay Stevens losing his girlfriend on 7/11 to those Elk-Aida creeps, we both decided then and there that we would devote our lives to finding Bin Ripping and rooting out Elk-Aida windsurfers from our beach community for good".

While the loss of their almost mythical leader surely deals a blow to Elk-Aida, it is believed that they will come back even stronger in coming years as secession plans have been rumored to be implemented and recruitment efforts stepped up within the highly secretive group. Indeed they will likely rally around the passing of their leader, form new bonds, and solidify plans for further attacks on the windy shores of V.B, very likely resulting in further loss of girlfriends among windsponges.

The approximate location of Bin Ripping's watery grave has already become a sort of Mecca among Elk-Aida members as a small flotilla of boards can be seen most days, with a ritualistic cloud of smoke disappearing in the breeze.

Source: Al Jazeera