Chamesin' His Tune: Thomas Out; Tooley Now Rich People's Last Best Hope

Winnipeg - A contender for the Victoria Beach Yacht Club Commodoreship has unequivocally withdrawn from the race and swung his full support behind Alexander James Tooley. A spokesman for Chames Thomas held a brief press conference on the grounds of the Legislature yesterday afternoon. The spokesman declined to speak specifically on Mr. Thomas’ reasons for quitting the race but speculation persists that he is considering accepting an ivory tower position at the London School of Economics.

Others insist that such a position would never be accepted by Mr. Thomas on the grounds that it fundamentally compromises his political persona. Mr. Thomas’ parents, a lowly civil servant and an architectural historian have long been invoked as his connecting point to the working class who are his political base. The family’s rickety cottage tilts precariously amongst the grime and despair of Victoria Beach’s notorious Fifth Avenue. Others point out that a private school education, time spent studying at the posh University of Toronto, and grandparents who attended Harvard University undermine this image. Indeed, critics doubt whether or not Mr. Thomas would be seen to be a darling of the working poor, had his rival not been the son of Sir Mark Tooley, an influential member of Sunset Avenue’s landed class and former editor of the powerful weekly newspaper.

A spokesman for Mr. Tooley expressed his thanks for Mr. Thomas’ support. It has not been a terrific week for the Tooley camp as a scandal at his former high school - the elite St. John’s-Ravenscourt - has re-opened questions about the closed and secretive world of privilege from which Mr. Tooley comes. Moreover, tension has run high amongst the Tooley clan as there have been delays on the family’s massive renovation of their palatial estate. The family’s contractor is scrambling to find an appropriately large diamond from which the kitchen sink will be carved.

In addition, speculation persists that Mr. Tooley is wooing political strategist and powerful social convener Ryan van Berkel to help with his campaign. Mr. van Berkel recently played an instrumental role in helping elect Dr. Richard Ratball to the VBYC Board of Governors. He has also frequently been retained by Victoria Beach’s Peterson family to help with public relations. For his part Mr. van Berkel has had his own embarassing scandal to worry about. This past winter the famous "What does she like" text message was leaked to the world. On Tuesday evening was photographed in meetings with Tooley aides at an upscale hamburger shop.

- Herald Staff Reporter

Local Sailor Double-crossed

Winnipeg - Emotions ran high last night as a lone mono-hull sailor was lured into a Colonial Age brick fortification with promises of cold beer before being barraged by a team of multi-hull sailors with designs on conversion. Under dark skies, the lone sailor was picked up from his home by one of the crusaders in a sleek black sedan driven by a non-sailing third party. The unassuming passenger was then given a false sense of security as the conspirators plied him with psychoactive drugs and soothing early 70’s music. Upon arrival at the residence of the second crusader, the lone sailor was led through a locked wrought-iron gate and through a bare hallway into a room marked only by letters and numbers. The room was sparsely decorated save for a multitude of maps - which are believed to indicate the location of hotspots for multi-hull activity. Multi-hull propaganda, including a catalogue for Hobie Cat and a local trade magazine known to occasionally publish advertisements for used multi-hulls, was strewn about the room. Upon realization of his predicament, the trapped sailor attempted to gain the offensive edge with facts about the maneuverability and control of a mono-hull, but was soon overwhelmed by loud music and nonsensical comments from the enraged duo while the un-associated third party grinned unsettlingly and chuckled occasionally but spoke no words. A cursory glance at the wall revealed a shattered picture frame - evidence of a previous struggle. After becoming attuned to the futility of his situation, the mono-hull sailor shrewdly changed the subject and began plotting his retaliation while he indulged in the cool beer that had originally enticed him.
- Herald Staff reporter

Rumors and speculation heating up in run-up to 2012 VBYC Commodore election

Rumors and speculation have been swirling from the highest mast post down to the lowest sun starved sand beneath the yacht club deck of a possible election showdown between friends Alexander James Tooley and Jamie Thomas for the VBYC commodore position in 2012.
Thomas a long time VBYC member and sailing advocate is considered a rising star in Provincial politics in Manitoba. Thomas’ political prowess has not gone unnoticed as the Provincial New Democrat Party have taken more than a cursory glance at the young man, perhaps looking to groom him for a post in the future. An unnamed party official agreed that a commodore title at his age would do well to raise a few eyebrows among the party elite. Many hours spent contemplating in reserved silence under the dome of the legislative building is said to be building what most pundits believe to be a steely level headed resolve that could be the mark of a great leader.
While Thomas‘ racing history at the club is less than complete or spectacular, it is believed his father, both VBYC and VB community pillar Greg “Big Cat”Thomas is more than willing to dole out sound advice about the finer technical points of yacht racing, appealing to the pro-racing voters who have historically held sway within the club.
Tooley, also a long standing member at the VBCY and executive of the VBYC expansion committee is a burgeoning player among the commodity exchanges around the world famous Portage and Main financial capital of Manitoba. Renown for being well dressed for all occasions and delighting more than a few with his wit and charm at social gatherings, the man seems poised for a quick rise toward the elite of Winnipeg. His future vision and steadfastness to “make things happen” align Tooley with the younger more untamed members of the club.
Tooley, a onetime junior sailing champion and respected instructor of monohull sailing fundamentals and racing, more recently seems to have turned his back on his roots in favor of the less structured and more carefree class of windsurfing, surely not boding well to win over voting purists of the sport. When asked of his famously quick exits from commitments and social situations when the leaves in the trees begin to rustle the unflappable and brazenly honest Tooley delivers the famous Moitessier refrain: You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time toward the open sea, it goes, that’s all”
A potential Sunset backyard seasonal windup on the Tooley estate has many members openly discussing their party attire and in what range of quality and temperature the beer would served, harkening back to decades ago when only the finest landscapes and chilled beer that VB had to offer would be acceptable to the yachting members.
While Tooley has the backing of the venerable and influential “Sunset strip” crowd, Thomas’ working class roots and “middle of the avenues” common sense approach to issues is likely to appeal to undecided voters. It has been conjectured that renowned party planner and generally well organized yacht club member Ryan Van Berkel has been approached quietly by both sides to gauge interest in a said to be lofty campaign post. Van Berkel refused to comment when reached. Thomas also would not confirm what has oft been rumored would be his campaign slogan: “Chames you can believe in”.
- VBYC Insider

Anxiously awaiting the upcoming season.....

Ice like Winnipeg