Sailing is good old fashioned pun

Sailors usually like their pier group.

Sunglasses for sailors had better be seeworthy.

Lazy sailors look forward to chore leave.

Schooner or later sailors engage in rudder nonsense.

Chicken n' Beer

Recent headlines about a Memphis woman and her pizza habit have Elk-Ida Windsurfing members recalling a similar story involving compatriot Ryan Van Breezy.

Over the past year or so, Van Breezy had been frequenting the Pembina Highway location of rib shack Tony Roma's. Affectionately known as 'TR's' by Van Breezy and his associates, the restaurant is renowned for its signature ribs but perhaps more popular for the 37 cent wings. Van Breezy sometimes walked the 2 blocks or so from his Holly Ave. home, but more often piloted his 98 Toyota Camry down the convenient backlane access to the parking lot. Staff got to know him by his regular order and his method of payment. Lounge Waitress Sarah spoke fondly of him; "he always walked in here looking really unimpressed but seemed to warm up after a while. I remember he always ordered the spicy BBQ flavor. He asked about the suicide wings once but never ordered them. Usually only Asians order those. Yeah and he always paid with plastic. He said it was easy. We all really liked him." Sarah said the staff didn't see him for a couple weeks and got worried. "We know he travels domestically quite a bit but we hadn't seen him in a couple weeks and we got worried."

Staff began casually looking for him in neighborhood restaurants like the Daly Burger and Dough Boy's Pizzeria but found no sign. Staff were still optimistic until manager Richard Ratball spotted a 98' grey Camry parked around the back of Delicious Vegetarian across the street. "We panicked. I mean, we have alot of valued customers here, but business picks up when you get a guy that good looking in here. He always had his hair done really nicely. He brought alot of class to the place and we were worried that he'd changed his eating habits." Ratball followed Van Breezy home one day after he saw the Camry pull out of the parking lot of the neighborhood Subway and slipped a couple of Tony Roma's gift certificates into the mailbox. The strategy worked. Van Breezy was back at TR's a couple of days later and was visibly excited. He was overheard telling his friends about how he's trying to beef up so he can more easily carry his windsurfing gear to and from the beach.

Van Breezy's friends credit the staff at TR's for their vigilance and concern and thank them for bringing their buddy back from a tough period in his life. They say that his love for wings, burgers, and beer has never been so strong.

Frozen Wind Sponge

Paramedics found a severely hypothermic wind sponge in the snow in Toronto's east end Friday morning.

A passerby saw the windsport couch jockey, in his late-20s, lying in the snow in a small field near the corner of College Avenue and Henry Street, in Toronto, just before 8 a.m.

He was taken to Scarborough General Hospital after paramedics found him alive but unresponsive and suffering extreme disappointment related to partying, EMS spokeswoman Kim McCoors said.

It's not clear how many beers the gentleman had in the snow as temperatures dropped overnight.

“He was definitely in a very compromised situation related to cold beer,” Ms. McCoors said.

Police don't suspect foul play and haven't yet identified the man. Constable Wendy Miller said he was still in a social life-threatening condition as of mid-morning Friday.

We Send Our Love - Elk-Ida

More winter sailors. . .

Jeremy Ritsema: Talking Hilti off the ledge. Trying to break into Schootsie's winter peanut butter supply.

Roger Ritsema: Reading and re-reading the "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books while "The Power of Optimism" quietly grows dusty on the shelf.