V.B Cottages Burkled, Police Baffled

Several cottages were burkled over the holidays at Victoria Beach shocking long-time residents of the sleepy beach community. Among notable cottages burkled was the Dubiensky residence known for serial late night lo-fi cacophony and the hallowed Thomas grounds best known for its rich formative environment and fostering a generation of geniuses.

Police spokesman Ike Ullberg: “This appears to be the work of a crew, a good crew, or one extremely well organized and connected individual capable of executing a multitude of tasks at one time. Whoever it was they made it look easy.”

Strangely not much was taken from the residences, just some frozen pizzas and an iphone charger, a vintage windbreaker, and a frozen bottle of pomade. Historians were relieved to find out that priceless pieces of V.B history were left untouched such as the legendary Dubiensky cassette archive and the hand written correspondence between the Thomas siblings which Ivy league schools have been clamoring over for years.

The burkler(s) left only one clue that has left police baffled, an expertly shot arrow through the first “O’ of a Coors Light can. More information to follow as it becomes available.

V.B Press