windsurf your face off

no friends on a windy day

2012-02-09T16:11:00.003-06:00

Ben Peterson scanned the crowded restaurant for her but she wasn’t there. He glanced at his watch and began to butter a breadstick but his trembling hand made it difficult. A single tear dropped into his fourth glass of 2006 Masi Contasera. The bottle had cost nearly a week’s revenue from Prairie Ocean Windsurfing. He watched the ripples in the wine. The waiter came to the table. Between shallow gasps for air he asked for the cheque. He paid and downed the last of the slightly salty wine. Just as he stood to leave she walked in. She was upset. She said she couldn’t be number two. She said if he loved windsurfing more than her then he should follow his heart. When he finally spoke she was already too far away to hear.

Caption Contest

2012-01-09T07:38:00.003-06:00

Elk Ida's own Big Buff chillin with R & B singer Twista in Fraze's living room. Send your caption and win a free sailing lesson from Prairie Ocean Windsurfing.

Winner:

"They crease is like the trap, end of the day, it don't matter how fast you are, being big and standing tall separate hall of fame from just in the game. Shit yo, two flashes"

Runner up:

"I sure could use some cupcakes or peanut butter cups right about now, you know what that's about?"

2011-12-10T13:39:00.005-06:00

**Editor's note: As noted in the following article, pay no mind to the clever message sent out earlier this week, the Holly-day shaker is definitely ON for this Friday, December 16th. For those of you going to the curling party cruise by Holly after! Call or text Ryan van Berkel if there's any confusion. See you there!

Happy Holidays

Amongst holiday party goers his name is legendary. From ugly sweater parties to Value Village formals Ryan Van Brisebois has thought of it all.

Choice cuts of meat? Check
Assortment of cheeses? You bet.

And so with great anticipation the masses await the “Holly”day party. This party promises to be the social event of the season, full with nervous grins and enough mats for everyone to put their shoes on. Brisebois never hesitates to throw a shin dig when occasion calls. Looking for a great living room dance party? Well you found it, like a clutch 8th ender draw, it’s in “da house”. Call the vet, tell him to stay at home, we just buried that puppy. Some highlights to be hotly watched are the ubiquitous “kinky limbo” and straight face contests, try to break a smile, the host dares you. This could be the event of the season so be prepared to pack a disposable camera, the pictures may be incriminating. “The guest line up is one of the hardest to crack in the city”, reports party ambassador Arctic Jester Tooley. “Sean Cronin is coming …he didn’t know that the Jets were back…but he heard about this party”. Nervous about not being invited? No worries, if you receive a text stating that there is no party or the house is full these are simply clever devices to let you know that yes, it’s on, come over and bring some Clamato juice. Yes December 16th will be the icing on the cake for a glorious year in Peg city. Talk about party.

Um…there’s food, drinks, dancing, people…ahh, friends, smokes, sweaters, good times.

No you Can't

2011-11-30T15:11:00.009-06:00

Salisbury House’s ‘Yes We Can’ philosophy apparently does not apply to Aaron Schott. The Winnipeg institution is in the spotlight again today after its chocolate glazed donuts gained worldwide exposure yesterday on Twitter from TV star Will Arnett.

Today’s news isn’t quite as light-hearted: an insider with a prominent Winnipeg law firm has confirmed that former Elk-Ida defense counsel W.D. Stewart, Esq. has been retained by Salisbury House Restaurants Inc. to represent it in a lawsuit against VBYC sailor Aaron Schott. Sals CEO Burton Cummings alleges that Mr. Schott is in the process of building a South-East Asian t-shirt sales empire under the moniker ‘Mr. Big Nip’. If allegations prove to be true the name would infringe on the trademark for the name of Sals’ signature hamburger.

Anyone who has been unfortunate enough to see Mr. Schott shirtless can confirm that he does indeed have huge nips. VBYC Commodore Bryan ‘Safety First’ Van Sleezy cringed when asked about them. He explained:

They’re like big pieces of salami – and not little kind you get on the Charcuterie plate at Segovia. More like the bologna style you might see on a sub from Quizno’s. I’d even say they’re almost as big as the back bacon slices they serve at the Moonlight Inn.

Longtime friend of Elk-Ida windsurfing and Windsurfyourgoddamnfaceoff’s Asian correspondent Pat Meeler confirmed that Schott was indeed selling t-shirts. Mr. Meeler reported:

Being a VB sailor myself, in fact winner of the Young Masters award back in 1993, I was happy to show Aaron around when he arrived in Thailand. I’ve known the guy for awhile but it still surprised me when he immediately cut holes in all his t-shirts to expose his gargantuan nipples. He said they were getting too hot. I was weirded out, but I thought ‘whatever, it’s Thailand. There’s all sorts of fucked-up shit going on here.’ Anyways, over the next few days, I started seeing other people around the beach and the bars with shirts cut in a similar fashion. I think it’s hideous, but what the fuck do I know; they don’t teach this shit in engineering school.

Schott soon began buying cheap t-shirts, cutting the nipples out, and selling them on the beach. It wasn’t long before he had a small workshop operating on cheap child labor. The children would embroider “Mr. Big Nip” onto cheap Thai cotton shirts before Mr. Schott cut crude holes in the shirts and took them the beach to sell at extraordinary markups to mushroom milkshake addled tourists. Meeler says he didn’t think there was much to it at first, but later realized that Schott had bigger ambitions.

Everyone was wearing these stupid shirts! I mean, he was making good money. He had a new Hobie Cat and a nice beach hut, but when representatives from American Apparel and H&M started showing up I knew this was a big deal. My mind was blown; I had to get back to Laos where shit’s real.

The recognition from the two international retailers may be Mr. Schott’s downfall. The lawsuit involving Salisbury House threatens to shut him down - W.D. Stewart is known for large settlements and it’s very likely that he just doesn’t like Schott for one reason or another. He has additional incentive to wrap the suit up before his highly publicized rooftop wedding at the Birchwood this coming summer.

Mr. Schott’s loose association with Elk-Ida could also hurt him. Several members of the organization are well known to Sals CEO Burton Cummings. In one incident, at a party he threw, he caught two Elk Ida members in his bedroom rolling joints on his gold records. Cummings has also on multiple occasions happened upon several Elk Ida members entertaining women in his backyard pool. Though these individuals managed to escape harm or punishment, Aaron Schott may not be so lucky. Cummings had a distant look in his eye when seen at the Charleswood Sorrento’s recently. He reportedly told Dan the bartender that while he’s had his hands on a lot of nips in his life, he’d really like to take down Mr. Big Nip himself and teach those Elk-Ida creeps a lesson.

Big Night

2011-11-21T13:28:00.002-06:00

Al Jazeera was involved in yet another run-in at a club, this time sparring with a friend of Beardo’s before he was kicked out of the opening of DJ Frazermania’s country music party “Croppin Grain”. For such a little guy, he sure does start a lot of trouble.

An unnamed source tells the Free Press that Al Jimmy "exchanged terse words with a friend of Beardo’s, who lunged over the table at Ajeee, and Ajeee lunged back. Security stepped in quickly and broke it up before any punches were thrown. Two security guards led him out holding his hands behind his head. His girlfriend, Patrick Chipman, was clearly upset and ran down the stairs after them. Outside, he fell onto a barricade. Swearing, he picked himself up and ran off." Strange, considering Beardo and Al Jimmy were palling it up earlier at a screening for The Windsurfing Movie II.

Al Jimmy’s people deny this, saying the stock broker, "actually left the club early as planned ... he went to Papa George’s for a small vegetarian pizza and a diet coke and later went home to his 1 bedroom walk up ... exiting through a crowded room was apparently misinterpreted. No altercation occurred." Maybe it was just somebody who looked like Al Jazeera. There's a lot of those around these days.

Elk-Ida Defence Counsel to Wed; Schootsie to Perform Nuptials

2011-11-17T19:28:00.008-06:00

Winnipeg - W. D. Stewart announced last week that he is set to marry his beau, Jessica G., next summer. Stewart has risen to prominence - and notoriety - in prairie legal circles for his successful defences of Elk-Ida members in a handful of recent criminal trials. "I'm totally happy for him, bra" said Pen Beterson, a mainstay on Mr. Stewart's client list.

Insiders confirm that Rev. Daniel 'Schootsie Muffin' Schott will preside over the service, which is expected to take place on the roof of the Birchwood Motor Inn, at sunset, sometime in July.

Though Mr. Stewart and Ms. G. have been dating for a number of years, Mr. Stewart was still, for some reason, introducing her as "my new girlfriend" as recently as this past Thanksgiving.

Las Vegas oddsmakers have already taken bets as to who will snag the prestigious position of best man. The list of candidates is a virtual who's-who of the jet-setting 40-something crew: Bell and Ateah are the odds-on favourites. Dan Angus is the (very) dark horse.

Mr. Stewart was unavailable for comment but yesterday, when a reporter asked him who would be footing the bill for the festivities, he was heard to have muttered, "Who do you think?"

Our Good Friend Nadine !

2011-10-18T14:59:00.001-05:00

Bring the boat out, smoke out, watch the water move...

2011-10-17T15:44:00.005-05:00

Winnipeg Jets defenseman Dustin Byfuglien was awarded an honorary lifetime membership to Elk-Aida Windsurfing after his arrest last month on Lake Minnetonka, MN for operating a watercraft while impaired. After passing a breathalyzer test a Hennepin County Sheriff’s Office drug expert concluded that the Jets fan favourite known as Big Buff was high while operating his boat citing: “his eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and showed a lack of smooth pursuit.”

At the honoree ceremony thick with Jets jerseys, some crested with the moniker “Big Puff”, Elk-Aida representative Ben Peterson offered some sage legal advice to Big Buff: “We really dig your style man but lose the motor, cops can’t touch you under sail power only brah.”

When pressed by media for comment on his recent arrest the understated but unflappable Byfuglien offered only a puzzling one line statement:

“I’m a water dude”

The Ottawa Ritz

2011-10-14T19:31:00.014-05:00

Ottawa - Roger Ritsema shocked the sailing world last spring when he announced that the summer of '11 would be his last as a member of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club. A former cab driver and long-time Hobie Cat racer, Roger came to epitomise a Victoria Beach generation even as his peers sold out to the glamour of engineering in east Asia or to selling highly caffeineated beverages to skiers, snowboarders, and other west coast kids who weren't good at hockey as kids.

Such a stalwart Winnipeger was Mr. Ritsema that few thought the bright lights and power politics of Ottawa would chames him. But, as this reporter found, no sooner had the J. dried on the Ritsema yacht club locker than had Roger sold out to the high-flying Ontario lifestyle.

I met Mr. Ritsema at the downtown Ottawa Hy's, where, he told me (repeatedly), "he makes his big deals, obviously." Mr. Ritsema appeared to have gained weight, a shock to those who remembered him in his trademarked beach stance: gauntly thin, wrapped in an oversize towel, his head under the shade of a Green Team '96 hat and his eyes hidden behind Hobie sunglasses. Some maintain to this day that Radar's look is an pale impression of Ritsema. He seems to have left that look behind. To lunch he wore a power suit, a gaudy silver watch and what he referred to loudly as "Gucci-bucks-nigga-no-laces."

This reporter expressed surprise that Mr. Ritsema had abandoned a burgeoning academic career in the field of natural sciences for the world of commercial real estate development. "It was a natural switch," said Ritsema, "I went from studying the survival of the fittest to being the fittest." He took a pull on his glass of a rare '58 merlot. "This is me surviving."

Reluctant to reminisce about his down to earth prairie upbringing, Mr. Ritsema preferred to steer the conversation back to his new home. "There's just this raw energy about Ottawa," he said, "it's like a dose of Manhattan mixed with a shot of Ibiza." I mentioned that watching bureaucrats trudge from home to office and back again under gray skies hadn't given me that impression. "You gotta live here to get it I guess," said Ritsema, lighting a cigar as he leaned back in his cavernous chair.

As lunch wound down and Mr. Ritsema spent more and more time touching his hand to his in-ear Bluetooth, I pitched him one last question. Surely, I wondered, he must miss the time spent drinking casual beers and sharing laughs on cold 'Peg City nights.

Mr. Ritsema sniggered as he picked up his platinum Visa and pushed back his chair. "Please," he said, "the night life here makes August long at VB look like Deborah Hill's 16th birthday party."

And with that, he was gone.

Grandma turns Grandson over to police after his yacht escapade

2011-10-14T15:37:00.003-05:00

Ben Peterson no doubt expected to his Grandma to keep, well, mum after he stole the family’s laser and took it for a joy-sail on a summer weekend.

No such luck. Now the 25-year-old Victoria Beach local is facing nine months in jail.

His Grandmother, Barb was out of town when he set off in the boat with a friend – neither one of them experienced sailors. Unluckily for him, Mr. Peterson ran into trouble off the north side of Elk, and after firing a flare for help, had to be rescued and towed to shore.

His Gram Ma told the VB Herald that she felt obligated to go to the police and teach him a lesson; though making the decision to do so was “absolute hell.” But it was a matter bigger than the ruined boat, she explained. (The family has since sold it, the Hearld reported.) Rescue workers had to spend time fetching her son from the lake when they could have been busting “beer drinkers and dope smokers” on the beaches. “It’s not what you want as a parent but have to do what you feel is right,” she said.

The penalty may seem stiff but Mr. Peterson did have a few more offences on his conscience: two stolen sandwiches and a bag of roaches were also found on the boat, and he admitted to stealing two coozies from Jers, and skipping out on several family meals – though the judge told him stealing his Grandma’s boat was his most serious offence.

When reporters asked her about her relationship with her Grandson, she claimed: “We will be fine. He accepted he was in the wrong and that’s it as far as we’re concerned.”

Of course, Mr. Peterson still has to serve out his jail time (and carry a criminal record with him).

No word on whether Grandma will visit.

summer is over, but RVB has an idea for the winter...

2011-10-13T14:17:00.002-05:00

Ritsema Says Unexplained Blackouts From Which he Wakes Up Covered In Beer Won't Affect Ability To Lead Project:

2011-09-24T09:51:00.003-05:00

Gibson Road, Victoria Beach—VBYC Expansion Project Manager hopeful Jeremy Ritsema fired back Wednesday at critics who have said the V.B. contractor’s ability to lead the project would be greatly hindered by his frequent, hours-long blackouts from which he invariably awakens covered in beer. "This is a complete nonissue—who among us hasn't gotten the occasional blinding headache only to wake up totally nude two days later in an abandoned church, covered from head to toe in Old Milwaukee and with absolutely no recollection of what happened in the intervening time?" said Ritsema, later adding that he is otherwise healthy and, in fact, is fairly certain he gets a significant amount of aerobic exercise during his prolonged fugue states. "I think I can handle the job of running the expansion project just fine even if now and again I have one of my little spells where I come to in the middle of Elk Island tightly gripping a crunched pack of butts in one hand and a ragged piece of what I think was Ken Taylor’s wet suit in the other." Many club members have expressed doubt regarding Ritsema’s project managing chances, citing the 1988 loss of Aaron Schott to Ben Pederson after it was discovered the once prominent Scott descendant had cooked and eaten a cold cheese sandwich while sleepwalking.

Robby Naish:" Im Fucking Stoked for the Jets"

2011-09-21T14:32:00.001-05:00

Bob Naish psyched for the new logo draws one up on Tommy Gun's Van

Bob seen here at Sandy Bay Manitoba with Parky and KB wearing a dope jets tee

Summers Up.....Back to Dry Land Training

2011-09-08T11:15:00.002-05:00

HAHAHAH..WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Osama Bin Ripping Killed; Body Buried at Sea

2011-06-13T21:57:00.002-05:00

Osama Bin Ripping – The iconic Elk-Aida leader who inspired a global windsurfing jihad against wind sponges – was killed by Victoria Beach Special Forces during a fierce firefight in the sand dunes known as the bat caves near Clubhouse Beach. After his identity was confirmed he was buried at sea, a VB Police official stated.

Bin Ripping has been at the top of the Victoria Beach Police's most wanted list for over a decade, due to the infamous July 11th 2000 or "7/11" atrocities in which Bin Ripping masterminded a series of Elk-Aida coordinated shredding attacks on epic waves off of Clubhouse beach resulting in unprecedented loss of girlfriends among windsponges. Special Ops team member Lee Stevens remembers the incident vividly: "I was pretty young but I still remember my older brother (Special Ops team leader) Lindsay Stevens losing his girlfriend on 7/11 to those Elk-Aida creeps, we both decided then and there that we would devote our lives to finding Bin Ripping and rooting out Elk-Aida windsurfers from our beach community for good".

While the loss of their almost mythical leader surely deals a blow to Elk-Aida, it is believed that they will come back even stronger in coming years as secession plans have been rumored to be implemented and recruitment efforts stepped up within the highly secretive group. Indeed they will likely rally around the passing of their leader, form new bonds, and solidify plans for further attacks on the windy shores of V.B, very likely resulting in further loss of girlfriends among windsponges.

The approximate location of Bin Ripping's watery grave has already become a sort of Mecca among Elk-Aida members as a small flotilla of boards can be seen most days, with a ritualistic cloud of smoke disappearing in the breeze.

Source: Al Jazeera

Not Again!!!??: Commodore Wigs Out

2011-04-28T14:35:00.004-05:00

Newly elected Commodore Ryan Van Berkel took advantage of the beautiful spring weather last weekend as he hauled out his 1970’s era sailboat and dusted off his golf clubs. Alas, fiberglass never met water nor did iron brush grass. In a surprising but classic case of power induced rage, Van Berkel denounced mono-hull sailing and golf in one aggressive strike. As blow after blow rained down and the 7-iron pierced the Bombardier Invitation’s hull, a lone observer couldn’t help but admire the improvement in Van Berkel’s golf swing. The middle handicapper and occasional playing partner of Van Berkel finally saw his friend use some of the tips he’d passed along. “It was difficult to watch. I mean, I love sailing and sailboats - mono-hulls especially. But he was shifting his weight and keeping his head down just like I’ve tried to tell him so many times. The reverse-c position of the follow through was Hogan-esque. I’m considering having the fellas in the pro shop paint some little sailboats on his golf balls.” Photographic evidence of the incident was not available at press time, but interested parties can view the battered remnants of the hull at the Traverse Bay Dump by contacting Lorne Anderson at 756-2155.

VAN BERKEL WINS COMMODORESHIP IN LANDSLIDE

2011-04-26T17:26:00.009-05:00

Winnipeg - Last night history was made as Ryan van Berkel became the youngest and first non-Winnipeg-born man to have been named Commodore of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club. In his calculated ouster of former Commodore Kenneth Taylor, Mr. van Berkel executed perhaps the most deft palace coup in leisure club politics since Billy Jean King managed to (briefly) hold the Chairmanship at Augusta National in the early 1970s.

Mr. van Berkel's campaign was a discrete and sure-handed manipulation of the gears of power. The Victoria Beach Council was firmly onside and the local business lobby, led by captain of industry Daniel S. Schott, quietly made it known that it would not oppose Mr. van Berkel, who himself comes from a bureaucratic background.

However, the van Berkel administration has already come under fire for being close to Portage Avenue, Manitoba's gilded centre of finance. His senior adviser, AJ Tooley (who was thought to be a candidate for the commodoreship before his girlfriend became embroiled in a corn-related licensing scandal), is a well-known commodities broker and has long moved in the posh circles of prairie money managing. There have been complaints from the right, too, who worry that Matthew McLeod, once crew to Mr. van Berkel and now a leader in the Manitoba Teacher's Union will hold too much sway in the nascent cabinet.

On election night, though, it was nothing but hearty handshakes and a surprisingly greasy snack table. In an electric moment Commodore-elect van Berkel took the stage to thunderous applause and the familiar strains of Eric Clapton's 'My Father's Eyes'. Victoria Beach, having grappled with the Erosion Question throughout a frigid and grueling winter, is a tense community these days and he acknowledged that he has much work to do in healing a house divided.

Unsurprisingly, he echoed another leader, Abraham Lincoln, who also seized the reigns of power as strife and misunderstanding threatened his community. "From Sunset all the way to Mike Bay," said Mr. van Berkel, "we are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every barbecue and deck to every sports day and masquerade all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Beach, when again touched, as surely it will be, by the better angels of our nature."

A somewhat puzzled crowd cheered and looked on in awe at their new leader.

Profile:

2011-04-13T15:01:00.008-05:00

Jenna de Rosnay

From Wikiped, free encyclopedia

Jenna de Rosnay (born Jenna Severson, March 7, 1963) is an American windsurfer, fashion designer, and model.

Career

From 1982 Rosnay broke the World Speedsailing Record (500 metre, women's windsurfing) seven times, first at the Speed Trials in Weymouth off the Isle of Portland in the United Kingdom. In 2010 she was inducted into the Speedsailing Hall of Fame.^[1][2]

In 1988 she began designing swimwear for Huit and, later, wetsuits for Neil Pryde.

Personal life

Born in California and raised in Hawaii and Tahiti, Jenna Severson is a daughter of John Severson, photographer, film director, and founder of Surfer magazine, and his wife, the former Louise Steir.[1]^[3] She has a younger sister, Anna Severson (born 1965).

Jenna de Rosnay has been married twice:

Baron Arnaud Louis Fromet de Rosnay (1946–1984), a French playboy, photographer, and long-distance windsurfer who was the youngest son of French painter Schootzy de Rosnay and his wife, the former Natacha Koltchine. Arnaud de Rosnay had previously been married to Jenna Ullburger, daughter of Sir Gary Ullburger, an heiress to a Bolivian Beer Fortune, and a granddaughter of Doña Maria Cristina de Borbon y Bosch Labrus, Duchess of Durcal.[2] Jenna Severson and Arnaud de Rosnay married in 1981, and in 1984, he disappeared at sea while attempting to windsurf from China to Taiwan.[3]

Patrice Milligan, a Canadian playboy, considered amongst his ranks as modern day royalty and the heir to a cooperate empire. His family's diverse network of businesses dominate sectors such as finance, automobiles sales, professional sports and nationwide mainstream vintage shops. Their short romance was limited to a “blunch” in Yorkville, but had an immense impact on Patrice. He spoke of the relationship in his recently released Biography “Oysters & Antique Furniture”.

“After a stimulating three-hour conversation about personal philosophies, career aspirations and their shared passion for Thai food, tennis and Billy Joel, Washington State junior Patrice Milligan was caught off guard by sailing sensation Jenna De Rosnay's off-handed mention of her boyfriend of three years. "Well, that's just fuckin' great," Milligan said after the conversation. "I dropped every hint in the book. You'd think she'd have picked up on it. I even asked her about her bracelet: Gift from her father, she says. Smooth sailing, I figure. Shit."

Emmanuel de Buretel, a recording executive who is the founder of Because Music and the former chairman and CEO of EMI Recorded Music Continental Europe.[6] They have three daughters.

References

1. Schootzie - http://www.linkedin.com/pub/dir/Dan/Schott

2. Ikester - http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/story/2008/05/13/car-theft.html

3. Peeler- http://www.labatt.com/lda.php?url=www.labatt.com%2F

External links

Jenna de Rosnay Official website (Scroll Down............Trust Me)

Big Time

2011-04-11T18:57:00.003-05:00

Windsurf Your Goddamn Face Off is enchanted to have been included in a list of the world's best windsurfing blogs.

Click the link above the scope the full list, our just read our snippet, below. Next year: Top ten or bust.

17. Windsurf Your Face Off
This anonymous blogger believes that the rocks can become a second home. Windsurfing related thoughts from techniques to laws are often discussed. Adult language is also included.

Nice Indy Grab Brah ?

2011-04-09T15:02:00.001-05:00

YOU BET !

2011-04-09T14:53:00.001-05:00

Beachcombers

2011-04-06T11:38:00.005-05:00

My friend Beerdo used to be cool. So did Beachcombers at The Forks. Beyond the fact that he is sometimes called the beachcomber, Beerdo’s fortunes seem to parallel the rise and fall of the beach themed bar and grill, even to the casual observer.

Beachcombers is a casual dining experience located in the southeast corner of the Forks Market – “a favorite destination for fun, food, and beverages. It boasts not just one, but two of the city’s best outdoor patios!” The restaurant is situated directly below the 4-star Sydney’s and occupies the former Branigan’s space. The fresh theme of Beachcombers and its optimistic management got the restaurant off to a hot start as the hip downtown crowd and weekend partiers embraced the laid back atmosphere, bold colours, and anything-goes attitude of the staff. In recent years, the colours have faded, the management has become disenchanted, and the staff wear black. In a recent visit only a handful of patrons were visible and most were more interested in the beverage menu than the higher margin food menu. Beachcombers seems destined to the same fate as Branigan’s under Prairie Oyster in the late 1990’s. Perhaps the gravity of an increasingly serious world is squeezing out the 90’s era demand for the carefree atmosphere of a beach themed restaurant. Perhaps that same gravity is squeezing out demand for a beach themed guy like Beerdo.

Beerdo was at the height of the VB windsurfing boom at the start of the Millennium. Indeed, he was a pioneer member of Elk-Ida. An impressive quiver of the latest gear, a sweet beach cruiser bicycle, awesome shades, and the most fashion forward haircut around had Beerdo on top of the VB game. Women swooned when Beerdo buzzed the tower in the footstraps while the rest of the early Elk-Ida members struggled to maintain a plane. At some point (some say around the time Beachcombers discontinued the 2-4-1 Marguerita special) Beerdo began to be seen less often at VB and on the water even more seldom. As the rest of the Elk-Ida members stepped their windsurfing skills up, Beerdo’s skills no longer shone. Rumour has it he once turned down a cold beer. He even sold the VW Rabbit convertible. It was a tough time for fellow Elk-Ida members as they saw their good buddy Beerdo slip away.

On the other hand, maybe Beerdo was just chamesing with the times. Maybe he should never have been questioned. He’s all of a sudden looking pretty darn good – university degree, late model Mini, and a pretty girlfriend. He’s even earned his level 1 Windsurfing accreditation and was seen on the water more than a few times last summer. He's always at all the hottest jams. Come to think of it, maybe Beerdo never really lost it. Perhaps Beachcombers should take a long look at Beerdo and his Constant Struggle for relevance – they could use some tips.

Next Generation Falling Behind in Race of Life

2011-03-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

While the four members had succeeded in sailing off the remnants of the previous soiree, the prospect of another social gathering had them in an amiable mood. Some wistful glances around the club steered the conversation toward the trophy case and the inevitable appraisal of past achievement within the club. The names of each of their beloved fathers sailing accomplishments rung throughout the rafters and joyful proud smiles were shared.

The casual reminiscence began to turn solemn however as the sailors inevitably began to compare their achievements with that of their fathers. Soon the brooding cloud of generational expectations made its familiar presence known and the men broached the much thought about but rarely discussed topic:

“People are always saying you know you’re on the wrong side of 25, by this age he’d already achieved this or done that. It’s hard to live up to, you know? I mean obviously I’m trying to make the MSA a big deal but I’m always in his shadow, by 25 he’d already petitioned to get the Sunfish into the Olympics, and I’m at least 5 years away from owning a convertible.”

“He was a three time laser champion and you know was definitely never directly against windsurfing. I’m not sure I ever had a chance, I mean they called him Big Cat, I’m called Chames.”

“Yeah by my age Kron had already logged 500 races and helped chart the north basin”

“I guess if you put the two of our accomplishments together it’s at least respectable, but you know, he’s just one man”.

Deep sighs were heard all around, broken only by one sailor piping up:

“Another Beer?”

“Yeah!”

He's Loving It

2011-03-17T13:21:00.003-05:00

Roggy Ritzma isn’t your typical amateur athlete. The scrawny, long-haired, baby-faced Hobie Racer looks more suited to skateboarding around the parking lot of your local 7-11 than on a CYA certified race course.

And it’s not just his style and physique. Mr. Ritzma’s dietary habits defy what’s expected of an athlete, too. According to the Victoria Beach Herald, he regularly dines at Local fast-food burger chain Juniors. A typical meal consists of two servings of French fries, a chocolate-strawberry shake and three Double-Doubles (each consists of two beef patties and two slices of cheese stacked between a bun). But he skips the lettuce and tomatoes.
“I’m not a big vegetable guy,” the 168-pound Mr. Ritzma told the newspaper.
The total calorie count of one of these meals is roughly 3,150, whereas the typical active male consumes about 2,000 calories in an entire day.

Washed up Free Press journalist Jay Kirby asked whether he knew what his cholesterol levels were like, Mr. Ritzma laughed. “Probably not very good,” with some added cynicism. “But my metabolism is through the roof.”

As we mentioned last week, plenty of high-performance amateur sailors subsist on fatty, salty diets that would make most sports nutritionists cringe. So how much does diet really affect athletic performance?
“The traditional line of sports nutrition is: ‘Nutrition can’t make an average athlete elite, but it can make an elite athlete average,’ ” says Winnipeg registered dietitian Chris Bell.

If you aren’t athletically gifted already, no diet will make you great at sports, he says. But someone who is gifted won’t perform at their best if they don’t eat well. Their endurance, and ability to stop and go during play, will be affected.
So, the lesson here is not to eat like Mr. Ritzma. Rather, the two-time Red Eye winner could actually sail even better if only he’d eat fewer burgers, and a few more vegetables.

Kenneth 'N Wonderland

2011-03-11T13:48:00.004-06:00

Club Review : V.B.Y.C "Kenneth 'N Wonderland"
by: Rogelio Ritsema

I’m concerned about the future of the V.B.Y.C. I mean, I recently heard the club compared to the Senior Scene. Yikes. A survey of the current landscape doesn’t exactly inspire hope, either, as a serious lack of creativity and innovation seems to be the rule rather than the exception. Enter Al Jimmy: newly minted creative chairman of the Expansion Committee, looking much like a sailing elder statesman and part of a board reserved for living legends.

Tooles is fresh out with his 10th set of plans, which rumor has it mostly fell into the hands of a close relative. If you’re looking for a game-changer — or for ol Al Jimmy to shine the way forward — you will probably be disappointed. These are steady, cohesive and mature plans from a seasoned architectural master. The lines don’t stray far from middle of the road, running the gamut from modern, to expressionist (with only one storage area for rigged windsurf sails — that’s a start) but I wouldn’t say they’re much more than mediocre. The plans are classic and don’t focus on: smokin’ blunts, terrorizing wind , getting ladies, hatin’ on kite boarders, stackin’ that cash and crushing brew.

Given his influence on local sailing and lasting impression on learn to sail students, people will always be curious about what Al Jimmy is up to and willing to give him a chance. That said, it seems like the club really needs him right now and I’m not sure this set of plans delivers in that regard. Although, you know, the more I think about it, maybe Tooles steady hand on the tiller is exactly what V.B Sailing needs right now.

Tooley Campaign Rents Space on Broadway Avenue; Leaked Photo Threatens to Derail Bid for Commodoreship

2011-03-02T18:35:00.006-06:00

Winnipeg - Having made few moves for months, AJ Tooley (pictured at left) suddenly seems to be girding for a pitched battle with Ken Taylor for the Victoria Bach Yacht Club's Commodoreship.

Matthew Metcalfe, a downtown Winnipeg property manager has confirmed that he is renting space in a post-war walk-up on Broadway Avenue to Mr. Tooley and that on the the first of this month, staff moved boxes of files and equipment into the space.

The activity on Broadway Avenue corresponds to Ryan van Berkel - the rumoured Tooley campaign manager - being suddenly summoned from Mexico, where he was vacationing with family. Mr. van Berkel's brother and spokesman, Stuart van Berkel, said that no final decision as to whether Mr. Tooley will run has been made but when it is it will be announced, as always, via letter to Jian Ghomeshi.

Ken Taylor, widely recognized as a master political strategist (though generally a lousy sailor), has not declared whether he will seek re-election. Though Mr. Taylor is widely seen to be vulnerable some pundits feel sailors would be reluctant to vote a sitting Commodore out of office in a year where a major expansion is planned.

In addition, a brewing controversy is beginning to engulf several of Mr. Tooley's closest associates. Two days ago a video was leaked to the press showing Roger and Jeremy Ritsema at a boozy lunch with both Charlie Sheen and John Galliano, two celebrities who are currently mired in serious and thoroughly distasteful public scandals.

And finally there is the issue of the leaked photo of a young Mr. Tooley holding a science class presentation that appears to suggest, in detail, what causes WIND. The question has evaded scientists for thousands of years. If it turns out to be true that Mr. Tooley has long understood the physics behind WIND he could be indicted by the VBYC for failing to disclose his knowledge and participating in numerous Bingo Derbies on false pretenses. A committee has been struck and will investigate.

Sailing is good old fashioned pun

2011-02-28T23:04:00.004-06:00

Sailors usually like their pier group.

Sunglasses for sailors had better be seeworthy.

Lazy sailors look forward to chore leave.

Schooner or later sailors engage in rudder nonsense.

Chicken n' Beer

2011-02-22T12:37:00.006-06:00

Recent headlines about a Memphis woman and her pizza habit have Elk-Ida Windsurfing members recalling a similar story involving compatriot Ryan Van Breezy.

Over the past year or so, Van Breezy had been frequenting the Pembina Highway location of rib shack Tony Roma's. Affectionately known as 'TR's' by Van Breezy and his associates, the restaurant is renowned for its signature ribs but perhaps more popular for the 37 cent wings. Van Breezy sometimes walked the 2 blocks or so from his Holly Ave. home, but more often piloted his 98 Toyota Camry down the convenient backlane access to the parking lot. Staff got to know him by his regular order and his method of payment. Lounge Waitress Sarah spoke fondly of him; "he always walked in here looking really unimpressed but seemed to warm up after a while. I remember he always ordered the spicy BBQ flavor. He asked about the suicide wings once but never ordered them. Usually only Asians order those. Yeah and he always paid with plastic. He said it was easy. We all really liked him." Sarah said the staff didn't see him for a couple weeks and got worried. "We know he travels domestically quite a bit but we hadn't seen him in a couple weeks and we got worried."

Staff began casually looking for him in neighborhood restaurants like the Daly Burger and Dough Boy's Pizzeria but found no sign. Staff were still optimistic until manager Richard Ratball spotted a 98' grey Camry parked around the back of Delicious Vegetarian across the street. "We panicked. I mean, we have alot of valued customers here, but business picks up when you get a guy that good looking in here. He always had his hair done really nicely. He brought alot of class to the place and we were worried that he'd changed his eating habits." Ratball followed Van Breezy home one day after he saw the Camry pull out of the parking lot of the neighborhood Subway and slipped a couple of Tony Roma's gift certificates into the mailbox. The strategy worked. Van Breezy was back at TR's a couple of days later and was visibly excited. He was overheard telling his friends about how he's trying to beef up so he can more easily carry his windsurfing gear to and from the beach.

Van Breezy's friends credit the staff at TR's for their vigilance and concern and thank them for bringing their buddy back from a tough period in his life. They say that his love for wings, burgers, and beer has never been so strong.

Frozen Wind Sponge

2011-02-04T10:55:00.003-06:00

Paramedics found a severely hypothermic wind sponge in the snow in Toronto's east end Friday morning.

A passerby saw the windsport couch jockey, in his late-20s, lying in the snow in a small field near the corner of College Avenue and Henry Street, in Toronto, just before 8 a.m.

He was taken to Scarborough General Hospital after paramedics found him alive but unresponsive and suffering extreme disappointment related to partying, EMS spokeswoman Kim McCoors said.

It's not clear how many beers the gentleman had in the snow as temperatures dropped overnight.

“He was definitely in a very compromised situation related to cold beer,” Ms. McCoors said.

Police don't suspect foul play and haven't yet identified the man. Constable Wendy Miller said he was still in a social life-threatening condition as of mid-morning Friday.

We Send Our Love - Elk-Ida

More winter sailors. . .

2011-02-03T17:27:00.003-06:00

Jeremy Ritsema: Talking Hilti off the ledge. Trying to break into Schootsie's winter peanut butter supply.

Roger Ritsema: Reading and re-reading the "A Series of Unfortunate Events" books while "The Power of Optimism" quietly grows dusty on the shelf.

What do sailors do in the winter?

2011-01-31T22:05:00.002-06:00

Who the fuck cares, but with spring on the way lets check in on some of those kooky characters we all know and love and see where their dome’s are at:

Bo-pie: Ran into him the other stay, he stinks like reefer.

Apple Jam: When he’s not making backroom deals with his boiler room pals, he’s downing backroom beers with his yacht pals.

Chames: Turned his back on the peg for the T-Zero, no word on if he’s coming back, or if we’ll have him back.

Van Breezy: Cornering the market on chicks with sweet eyebrows.

MC Loud: Stressing about if he’s going to be down the Saturday of May long.

The 2nd Coming................

2011-01-25T14:31:00.004-06:00

The Windsurfing Movie II Official Trailer from Poor Boyz Productions on Vimeo.

"That's Interesting.................That's Fucking Interesting Man..." Ben Peterman

Confessions Of A Wind Sponge

2011-01-14T12:19:00.005-06:00

Confessions Of A Wind Sponge by Jackson Parks Updike

Season 1 Episode 1

"Buy Rocks, Get Beaches"

This is Jackson Parks Updike II, writing from the best city on Earth, Toronto Ontario. I've applied for membership in the Elk Aida Windsurfering Fraternity. As a condition of my application, I've been asked by the council to express my views on Elk Aida related issues, on this website. Ben Peterson, James Thomas, Baron Shoot, Roger Ritzema and Ryan Van Berkelle are so cool that they've blessed me with this forum to explain and elucidate the finer points of my candidacy.

See, dear reader, I am a wind sponge. Although interested in boat shoes, hip shades and fresh babes, I have always found windsurfering unduly challenging, and sailing a bit gay. In an effort to bolster their social network and party scenery, the wind heads of Elk Aida have been forced to consider Wind Sponges for gang membership. In the words of Ben Peterson "Wind Sponges are herbs that do not shred." I say, Wind Sponges soak it up to turn calm nights off into full on blow-outs.

Although my chief use for water is to freeze for inclusion in breakfast ceasars, I intend to use this column to highlight the events, legends, personalities, passtimes, libations, tunes and togs that are pertinent to the interests of the wind and lake community.

For my virgin installment, I'd like to delve into the proposed plan to build a retaining wall and storm fighting battlement along Alexander and King Edward beaches. Sources in Winnipeg indicate that this plan has been shouted down as "petty secrecy" and "Bourgeois beachicide" as well as numerous other clusters of epithets that are not fit to print here, or in the pages of Uninformed Rage Quarterly (for which I also write a column called "Just Be Mad.")

If I may throw my straw boater into the proverbial ring, I think that the beaches would benefit from the construction of a large opulent boardwalk in place of the current beach. After all, it would provide a spot for social activity, mimosa stands and a mental as well as physical high ground to keep the algae off our vintage topsiders. Imagine, we could sun ourselves without sand in our shoes, on our legs or in our pomade. Sand has long been a pesky obstacle to beach optimization for us gentlemen of leisure. Give the beach back to those who epitomize the expression "Life's a beach." We will put our life vibe down hard into the land and before long your undrinkable barf spark lake water will flow out of the tap as dry goose martinis. Extend a blue cheese stuffed olive branch to those of us willing to watch workers labour for our love of all things leisurely. Like for instance, emailing from the iphone, at sunset, from a chez lounge, negroni at our side and Gaucho on the boombox.

To the opponents of the proposed wall, I say this: chill out. Go hit the yellow ball, take a bike ride, take a long jump off a long pier and get your crib game tight. This kind of relaxation is for the bosses. You can whine and scream and bark at those that are trying to work out a solution to the fact that the lake hates us, but read the signs:

No dogs on the beach.

So take you barking south down highway 59, I hear you can get a tan at Fun Mountain (not as fun as it sounds).

Accusations of bourgeois malfeasance are unfounded and unproductive. This mass of water is trying to take our fun away, and I say we try turn a turd of nature into a man made valhalla of summertime social congress and personal intercourse.

To the dudes trying to get the plan right. You've nailed it. Stop and salute yourselves. No need to tinker or consult the "science" community. As I understand, the worst case scenario is we lose a few beaches. You see dark cloud, I see a Patron silver lining. A lack of beach gets girls on boats and provides us with power playing and networking opportunities unforseen since the prohibition of the Adult Dances. But that's an issue for another day.

Build walls and return my calls. An evil lake, crooked hydro cartel and crazed citizenry cannot and will not stop the fun. The worst case: we win. The best case: a case of Standards. Keep your standards high Elk Aida. Cheers to open minds and new membership. It's us Vs the lake and we are winning.

There's a party going on,

All them girls, they welcome...

(I'm off) to the yacht club.

Yours in fancy dudicalism and infinite jest,

JPU 2

Big-Shot Aussie Politician to Speak at VBYC?

2010-11-30T10:52:00.008-06:00

The Windsurf Your Goddamn Face Off editorial board has officially invited unsuccessful Australian Senate candidate Ben Peterson to speak at next Labour Day Weekend's annual VBYC wind-up.

Last night, Commodore Ken Taylor ratified a proposal that would have Mr. Peterson's travel expenses and beer tab be covered by a slush fund to be diverted from the expansion account.

Labour Day Weekend, a statutory holiday in Canada in honour of the blistered hands and blue collars that built this wonderful country, is a perfect time for a member of Australia's powerful Socialist Alliance to speak to interested VBYC members on matters of universal concern.

Yesterday, we (belatedly, it turns out) endorsed Mr. Peterson for the Western Australian Senate seat (see previous post and comments).

Mr. Peterson, our rudders are now in your hands.

Way to Go Benny !

2010-11-29T11:56:00.002-06:00

On behalf of the entire syndicate here at "Windsurf Your God Damn Face Off" I would like to congratulate Ben Peterson on his nomination for a Senate position with the Socialist Alliance. Besides being a prolific windsurfer, Benny is a strong anti "the man" advocate, displaying his opposition to corporate and political "Big Wigs" on and off the water. After a shocking nomination from neoconservative Patrice Milligan we asked Benny how he was feeling about everything.

"I'm excited to have the opportunity to run as a senate candidate for Socialist Alliance because I think it is the new generation of windsurfers that will be the ones to bring change on the issues like the fall crow hunt and kite boarding, where real change is needed. The Labor and Liberal parties have both consistently let down Victoria Beach people by their craven support for corporate (club) interests. The Socialist Alliance stands for 'people before profit' and that's the kind of change I'd like to see in Municipal politics."

This Guy Knows its Windy

2010-11-22T12:39:00.000-06:00

VBYC sailors discuss the wind

2010-11-16T09:08:00.001-06:00

“There was a pretty good South wind yesterday. I took my Hobie 18 out just as it picked up to about 17 knots and veered to the Southwest. I was actually flying a hull for a bit. Then it backed to the South and died. But it was good for a bit.” As Commodore Ken Taylor reminisced, Ryan Van Berkel was adjusting a cotter pin. “Yeah, it looked pretty windy from here on the beach.” Meanwhile, up on the Yacht Club deck, Greg Thomas hung his yellow life vest on the rail as he filled his eldest son in on the details of the last race of the Red Eye; “Hey Jame, Jame, Jame! Jeez, I was just cruising along on a beam reach when a big gust hit and nearly knocked me down! Holy smokes!”

Angry Lake Lashes out at Indolent V.B Sailors

2010-11-05T17:52:00.002-05:00

An enraged Lake Winnipeg unleashed fury on languid sailors at Victoria Beach on October 28 2010, what has been dubbed a “weather bomb” the storm wreaked havoc on the entire South Basin, severely eroding shorelines, damaging property, and curiously taking a direct strike at the Victoria Beach Yacht Club.

About the storm, Environment Canada Meteorologist and Lake Winnipeg climate expert Carl Carlson explained: “Essentially the perfect conditions for a severe storm made themselves present and the barometer dropped like a brick to record low levels, winds as high as 100km/hr whipped up from the North West essentially funneling water from the much larger North basin in to the South basin at an alarming rate. The result was a tremendous rise in water levels over a very short period of time in the south basin coupled with unusually strong winds, and as a consequence flooding, erosion, and heavy damage to much of the basin, including the Victoria Beach Yacht Club”.

As if the situation weren’t grim enough a potential new motive for the storm has reared its ugly head. After surveying the damage to the VBYC boats and compound and after conferring with VBYC executive members Carlson was less convinced that this was just a random act of climatic violence. Carlson elaborated: “Everyone is quick to point to climate chames as the cause but I think there’s something else going on here, you might even say a hidden agenda on the part of the storm”.

After weighing all of the evidence, Carlson was led to this startling conclusion: The storm may have been targeting languid sailors. After consultations with VBYC executive committee representatives, several facts are clear: The storm appears to have targeted some of the least dedicated sailors, whose boats over the years have been rotting in the VBYC compound and on the shores of yacht club beach, rarely ever having their sails hoisted or hulls refreshed by the water. Some underused boats are missing completely, while many were left full of water and scattered about the compound from the rising tide. It is unknown and a dubious exercise to predict how many languorous sailors can be bothered with draining and moving their boats before the harsh prairie winter most likely does irreparable damage, but hopes are not high. In this regard it appears the lake may have simply been culling the weak of the V.B sailing herd so to speak, essentially instituting its own form of Darwinian evolution on the sailing scene.

Local sailing prodigy Matthew “Cannonball” MacLeod offered his take: “Maybe the sailors are soothing to the lake, you know like a good back scratch, and with less and less of them getting out, the lake just kind of snapped, it couldn’t scratch the itch”. Carlson wouldn’t confirm nor deny these sentiments but did have a message for VBYC members: “For V.B sailors this is a clear wake up call, the lake is angry at the pitiful number of sailors on the water. This was no weather bomb, it was a shit bomb dropped on lazy VB sailors”.

VBYC Insider

Ryan Van Breezy

2010-10-21T12:23:00.006-05:00

Soon after a photo of Alexander James's top-secret Elk-Ida beer training session was leaked to the press, a photo emerged of his associate apparently engaged in 'the real thing'. Ryan van Breezy, above, can be seen in the photo enjoying one of Manitoba's finest brews - Labbatt's 50 - handfree and visibly carefree. "Just look at his half-open eyes, unshaven face, and the palm trees on his shirt," said fellow VBYC member Micheal Krauss. "He's obviously pretty laid back. I just wish he'd have a more serious attitude towards his responsibilities on the Compound Committee." Past Commodore Ivan McMorris remembered Van Breezy hanging around the club most of the summer working on his beer drinking abilities; "yeah, he was around here most weekends toiling around on his Hobie 16 with a couple of ice cold beers strapped into the Boom Buddy. He's a pretty good sailor but i've definitely seen him blow a few tacks. You know, him and that guy he always sails with." Other members agreed that Van Breezy is at the top of his beer drinking game. A member who wished to remain anonymous said, "When Ryan came down to the lake as 'VB's hottest commodity' his confidence went through the roof and he started really getting serious about having beer. Frankly, i was worried at first, but after seeing him handle his new status the way he did, I've changed my mind. The guy's a fucking legend. Just look at the goddamn picture."

"Elk-Ida Aquires First Corperate Sponser"

2010-10-20T14:27:00.004-05:00

"There is such a thing as dry land training when referring to the art of Chugging beer".

Alexander James

"It's a Way Of Life"!!

2010-10-20T11:45:00.002-05:00

2010-09-29T12:44:00.000-05:00

SAILING legend Ronnie Schott has lashed out at the industry which made him a megastar.

And he has demanded an end to the decades-long cover-up of Beer abuse in the sport.

Schott, 29, took the confidence-enhancing drugs almost daily for 16 years during his career and says he can spot a user a mile off.

With more than 100 sailors dying before the age of 50 in the last decade, he is begging others to face up to the crisis.

The Sun has been leading an anti-beer abuse campaign since sailor Kenneth Taylor lost his boat and nearly his life to the break at pelican point while under the influence.

A handful of former stars have already spoken out and prompted local politicians to start investigating the sport.

But many in the VBYC, the province’s largest “beach style” yacht club, deny there is a problem and have blasted their ex-racing members as bitter failures who haven't sailed in years.

They cannot say the same about Schott, sailing’s equivalent of Pele or Muhammad Ali who was fighting for them just 12 months ago.

In an exclusive Sun interview, he said: "Are Beers a problem in Sailing? Oh God yeah. They have always been a part of the sport. It's prevalent.

"But there's not some big mystery to it. Just open your eyes and it's there. You can look at a Sailor and pretty much tell.

"They will be above their weight range, with these big veins. My body weight is around 200lb, depending on how much junk I eat. Even if I was 25 and clean, I could probably only carry 300lb.

"Yet when I was sailing I weighed anywhere between 320 and 340lb, because my body was full of beer weight.

"My face was puffy, my arms were so bulky I couldn't touch my shoulders. You could take one look at me and know I was on something.

"Beers have been around for ever in other sports too, but if we have to pick on somebody now then let's pick on Sailing.

"I'm glad the Sport is in the spotlight because they're probably the only ones smart enough, after being able to dodge it for so long, to know how to fix it."

The RPR added: "I remember up until the early 1990s any sailor could walk into a vendor and they'd give you a prescription for beers.

"Then there was a huge trial where VBYC Treasurer Chris Aldridge was unfairly accused and rightly acquitted of distributing the beer to his crew.

"This ushered in the era of Sailors playing 'hide and seek'.

"If they can get away with things then they will. But now I think we're at the 11th hour.

"We can't have hide and seek being played any more.

"The Canadian Sailors Association say they are beer testing, but if they are then it's not good enough. Because these guys have to stop dying."

Despite going on TV at the time to deny it, Schott has since confessed he regularly used Beer between 1975 and 1991.

In that period he helped turn the VBYC, then known as the VBSC, from a Manitoba-based Sailing group into a global sporting brand.

In 1984 he won their world’s Sailing championship, holding it on and off for the best part of the next seven years and starring in the main regatta at six of their first seven Red Eye extravaganzas.

But behind his superhero mystique lay a dirty secret.

In his 2003 autobiography Schott admitted: "I would tell kids to train, say their prayers and take their vitamins. But it wasn't just vitamins I was taking.

"But at that time every Sailor I knew was on Beers. They were part of my generation. I'm not making excuses but they were everywhere. And a lot of that had to do with what we knew about them, which obviously wasn't enough.

"The most commonly prescribed were Blue, Moose and Standard. I never had a question about whether I would take them.

"It was part of my daily regimen. Did you take a shower? Yeah. Did you brush your teeth? Yeah. Did you have beers? Yeah.

"That was the deal. It was how I lived."

Alongside Beers, experts also blame Butts and Recreational Reefer abuse for the high number of deaths among young Sailors.

Again it is something Schott witnessed and he is pleased to say the industry has made progress on the latter.

He said: "There's definitely much less of a party scene and Butt use today.

"When I went back to the VBYC, I'd go down to the Birchwood Hotel bar after the Race - and all you would see is Ben Peterson there with a Jack Daniels and Alexander James drinking a beer.

"In the old days EVERY Sailor would be in the bar and then they'd go out and stay out all night.

"But now they are all upstairs on their computers.

"Maybe they're not playing games up there, but it certainly seems a lot better.

"As for reefer, like beers, they have always been around. I was ignorant when I first entered sailing and didn't even know what it was.

"But there was a point later on where I got hurt and found pretty quickly!

"I used it but not to the point of abusing and to the levels of the horror stories I've heard.

"I always knew my limitations and had regular blood tests and physicals.

"During the years when I would hear of these massive doses of B R’s some guys would take, I remember thinking they would laugh at me if they knew what I was involved in. I would be a big joke."

Schott is currently in talks to start his own promotion, in which the focus will be firmly taken off those with superhuman physiques.

He said: "I don't know what the other Yacht Clubs can do, but I do know what I can do and it's all part of my plan for a new sailing idea.

Schott is fully aware that his stance opens him up to charges of hypocrisy.

Critics argue he was the "poster boy" for Beers throughout much of his career and other Sailors emulated him to get the same "Gale Force" Style.

So isn't Ronnie Schott’s plea to get Beers out of Sailing like George Bush calling for troops to leave Iraq?

The R.P.R. replies: "I'm not trying to repent but I am being honest about my failings. I want youngsters to be educated.

"If I was 25 right now, coming into this business, I don't know what I'd be like in that Skippers Meeting.

"But I know one thing. Sailing needs to make sure everything is above board.

"So is it hypocritical of me? Yes.

"But is it hypocritical of me now in 2010? No. I think it's more like poetic justice.

"I've learned from being around, surviving and watching the many mistakes I and others made.

"I thank God I'm still alive!"

Optimist Club at Bizzaro VB Votes to Downsize

2010-09-22T19:54:00.008-05:00

Bictoria Veach - At the end of an efficiently run meeting last night, members of the Optimist Club at Bizzaro VB voted to demolish part of their elegant, spacious building. "With windsurfing so deeply uncool these days, we just couldn’t justify having all this beautiful, well-appointed space" said a jovial Mivan Icmorris.

Pen Beterson, the movement’s chief proponent, displayed the preparation, calmness and patience that he is known for in his well-reasoned explanation of why the space is unnecessary. Though named for the once-popular Optimist boat, the Club is now home almost exclusively to yachts - none of which are ever sailed recklessly.

The now largely empty windsurfing quarters were added onto the building in the windsurfing craze following Murray McCaig’s gold medal win at the Barcelona Olympics. (Following his victory, Mr. McCaig became infamous when he drunkenly ran down a Spanish police officer on his bicycle.) Slowly but surely, the sport’s popularity has fizzled. Commodore, cautious sailing instructor and nuclear physicist Dr. Ten Kaylor chalks up the decline in interest in the sport to the surge in popularity of cross-country running. "You try to get these young people to come out of their cottages and meet friends but all they want to do is run, eat healthily and participate in anti-smoking campaigns," he said, "frankly it’s frustrating."

Lone windsurfing supporter and local embarrassment Orest Dackow agreed. "We even tried to open this place up at night to entice young people down here - offered free beers and doobies and what not, but kids today at Bizzaro VB just don’t seem interested in fun." Mr. Icmorris recalls being delighted upon opening up the Club one warm morning this summer to find two blurry-eyed 20-somethings asleep on the couch. Turns out they had been up all night studying for their MCATs.

As the meeting dispersed Chris Aldridge, a tall, soft-spoken long-time member lingered behind holding an old Polaroid. "It’s me at the opening of the windsurfing wing," he explained softly . . . "not baked at all."

Way To Go Pooh-Bear!

2010-09-20T14:27:00.004-05:00

Congratulations Ryan, and remember:

"Tis the set of the sails and not the gales that determines the way they go."

- W. Garfield Weston

Local Yacht Club Expanding at Same Rate as Universe

2010-09-08T15:21:00.001-05:00

In what has been hailed as a scientific breakthrough by the National Aeronautics and Sailing Association or NASA, it was discovered late last week after members approved the most recent expansion of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club that throughout its history the Club has been expanding at almost exactly the same rate as the Universe. NASA scientist Dr. Richard Ratball shed some light on the subject: “Everyone knows that the Universe is slowly expanding overtime at a rate of approximately 960 square feet every 20-25 years, what our team has just come to realize through decades of painstaking research is that the Victoria Beach Yacht Club (VBYC) has been expanding over time at a remarkably similar rate”.

Ratball and his team have long suspected a relationship between VB sailing and the Universe that acts as a compound to our own galaxy. From the creation of the original yacht club in the 1980’s, dubbed the “big beach bang” by founding members, to the 960 square foot expansion in the 1990’s. Now that the much maligned 960 square foot 2010 expansion has been endorsed it has become obvious to even the casual observer that there is a significant relationship between Sailing and the vast unknown that is the Universe. Dr. Ratball explains: “It is clear that sailing’s sheer inertia or its resistance to change in momentum has fuelled the past and present yacht club expansions and will likely fuel future expansions, while we were unsure of exactly what was causing the Universe to expand at the same rate, we can now say quite confidently that sailing is the answer”.

What this means for the future of both aeronautics and sailing is anyone’s guess, however Dr. Ratball offers some words of advice: “The universe continues to expand and so does the yacht club, both making room for more sailing, so get out there, for only by sailing more and getting more people to sail can we begin to fully understand this relationship and study it further before it is destroyed as the laws of Physics chillingly fortell”. Perhaps buoyed by Dr. Ratball’s persuasive tone, when asked about the exciting discovery and what it could hold for the future, prominent VBYC member Alexander James Tooley was heard to remark during the annual season windup: “I’m gonna sail to all those far corners of the universe, and if there’s no one there to sail with, I’m gonna sail back here, have some cold beers and sail some more”.

VBYC Insider

Signs of Osama bin Rippin' Found in Peg

2010-08-20T10:58:00.005-05:00

Winnipeg - Investigators released pictures that suggest that, for a time at least, the world's most wanted terrorist lived under the Golden Boy at the Manitoba Legislature. Also found: empty packs of Export 'As' and soooo many empty beer bottles.

VB Hits The Big Screen

2010-08-18T15:46:00.003-05:00

The true story of Lana Belton and Ben Peterson’s first love has been whispered about around VB for years. Finally, legendary Swedish director Jans Lund has brought the epic story of youth, lust and smouldering misbehaviour to the big screen. Elizabeth Sankey plays young Lana, while Jeremy Warmsley portrays little Ben. Cameos by the rest of the Kelvin gang appear throughout (check out Josh roughing up Ben at the 2:02 mark!). Check out the trailer and see you on August 1st, 2011 at the Clubhouse for the world premiere.

SUMMER CAMP - Round the Moon from Paddy Power on Vimeo.

1974 Sunfish

2010-08-11T12:08:00.003-05:00

Board Sailing Phycology

2010-08-10T12:02:00.003-05:00

Four Sailors Suspended In Boat-Clearing Brawl

2010-08-09T11:48:00.001-05:00

VICTORIA BEACH, MANITOBA— famed yacht club V.B.Y.C. suspended four sailors from the Wild Ace of Gimli and the Wind Rider/Speedy Pete Racing Teams Friday for their part in an ugly boat-clearing brawl during the 33rd Red Eye Cup. Wind Rider skipper Aaron Schott reportedly triggered the melee when he charged the foredeck after Wild Ace’s after guard Matt Macleod slab-reefed while their boat was on port tack. "These two teams have a history," said Wild Ace Skipper Ryan Van Berkel referring to last year's race when an overly aggressive jibe caused both catamarans to clear. "It was pretty inevitable something was going to happen this time. You could tell they were out for blood." On-the-water umpires immediately ejected Schott, who was then forced to swim 17 miles to shore.

best day in awhile

2010-08-05T11:01:00.004-05:00

Victoria Beach Wind Archive - 8/04/2010

me and benny ripped to VB after work. shredded from 6:30pm to 9. wind picked up consistently until way overpowered on 5.4 and getting dark. dope.
good site for past & present VB wind

From VBYC Twitter Accounts

2010-07-14T12:22:00.008-05:00

Friends. On a lake. Twittering their goddamn faces off.

Aaron Schott: Wind Rider just cruisng! Gonna buzz the tower and check out the peple fishing. O fuck y!

Ryan van Berkel: S-rolls for bfast. Great chats on the boat with DJ MacLoud! Wind just cranked up to 6 knots. Glad I brought my helmet. Fellas laughed at the face mask but better safe than sorry

Macleod: Berkel is driving me nuts. And he’s wearing a fucking hockey helmet

Ken Taylor: "What's the frequency, Kenneth? is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed!!!" Kids, put the Henkel on ice!

Benny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roger: Finally found a cool chick who loves sailing. Happiness is a Hobie Cat. My life couldn’t be any better. Not that I’m gonna admit it

Paloma: Can’t believe I have to spend all this time sailing with Roger just to be able to party ourt here. Oh well, shaker at Nollie’s tonight: Better board up your screens Nollie!

Chippers: Hope Gary doesn’t mind that I borroed his gear. Weird that his place was all locked up

Dispatches from Ryan van Berkel. . .

2010-07-05T15:44:00.017-05:00

Just wanted to update you all on my travels. It feels like I’ve been away for a long time! I’ve seen some pretty cool things since I’ve been on the road. The students are really keen to learn about sailing. Some of them are pretty talented! But of course not as talented as my friends back home at VB!;) Here are some pics from Northern Manitoba, a part of the world that some of us don’t know all that well. Miss you guys and I’m trying not to get too homesick. Can’t wait to see you soon for some stories about all that you’ve been up to - and maybe even a beer! Ha ha ha ha

This is Denzel Eriksson and his falcon, Neil. He’s in charge of the Churchill Yacht Club.

A traditional residence in the Swan Valley region. The customs and people are so different across our province! I really feel like I’ve found myself on this trip. Beside the tent is a neighbourhood sailing enthusiast who guided me around town and did some translating for us. She was a pretty neat lady!

Some people don't know this but each northern Manitoban region has a distinctive culinary tradition. This was a traditional meal served at Duck Bay, on the eastern edge of Lake Winnipegosis - just five hours from River Heights! (And talk about spicy, I was drinking milk like crazy! Ha)

And of course we got to do some sailing! This obviously isn’t the boat we taught the kids on! Ha ha!

Mountains, just east of Flin Flon. Too bad I left my skis at home!

Bye for now!

RW Van Berkel

2010-06-29T13:34:00.002-05:00

Finally Carl pulls through

2010-06-29T10:01:00.002-05:00

Lake Winnipeg - south basin

Strong wind warning in effect
Issued 03:00 AM CDT 29 June 2010 Today Tonight and Wednesday
Strong wind warning in effect.
Wind light increasing to southeast 15 knots late this afternoon and to 20 Wednesday morning.

Extended Forecast
Issued 03:00 AM CDT 29 June 2010
Thursday
Wind southeast 25 knots.
Friday
Wind south 30 knots diminishing to southeast 15 late in the day.
Saturday
Wind south 30 knots diminishing to southwest 15.

Bob on slalom gear - extended version

2010-06-29T09:47:00.004-05:00

22 seconds in it's super awesome.

Funier Blog Post Below - Read It!

2010-06-25T10:31:00.003-05:00

Memories of this upcoming weekend

"You're a disaster" - in the best way possible. Get laughed out.

"Watch those Camels, Peg, they're nine-tenths of the vacation."

Boyder and Mittens' band just got cooler - but who's Kenny Walters?

G8 Meets for "Summit" in Muskokas

2010-06-24T14:17:00.006-05:00

"Fuck that was sweet" said US President Barack Obama as he lit a cigarette and pulled his windsurfing gear up onto a Muskoka Lake dock. Canadian Prime Minister Steven Harper staggered to his feet amid a slew of empty Molson Canadian cans and the shattered remains of an Adirondack chair and agreed; "Fucking 25 knots motherfucker! Jeeeaaaaahhh. Look at that fucking pussy Sarkozy swimming his shit back in!" The French President was struggling to get back to shore while Japanese PM Naoto Kan and new British PM David Cameron circled him with a series of high-speed carve gybes. Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi then stumbled onto the dock in a torn wetsuit with a half-empty 40oz. bottle of vodka, pointed towards a thicket of bushes on shore and slurred something about 'finally getting something from the goddamn ruskies'. He was likely referring to Russian President Dimitry Medvedev, who was face down in the bush and still wearing his harness. "Hahaha, how dope is it that we're spending all the taxpayers' money on this rad windsurfing trip?" asked Obama. "Super dope," replied Harper. Taking a long pull from his bottle, Berlusconi chimed in; "I'm just trying to get some ass - where's that kraut Merkel?" Moments later the German Chancellor sauntered down the hill towards the dock topless sipping a marguerita straight out of the blender and said "where's the fucking weed at?"

elk-ida puts on weight for 2010

2010-06-23T09:40:00.003-05:00

Goddamn motherfucking Bob Naish

2010-06-15T13:36:00.001-05:00

Sheet In

2010-06-11T08:50:00.016-05:00

Long awaited sheet preview 2010

Ooooh baby . . .

Seventy-three men sailed up from the Yacht Club fuckin' Bay....

2010-06-10T11:32:00.004-05:00

this one's for MC Leod and his brand new Bare's

the hip

sometimes i don't know why schootsie gets frightened of six months in a leaky boat

for the laser sailors

Motivational Office Posters Now Available !

2010-05-20T11:12:00.001-05:00

Wrapping up the 2010 Profiles

2010-05-14T11:59:00.002-05:00

Ken Taylor

Ken Taylor has spent the past few weeks knee deep in neoprene and fibreglass patching his wetsuit and his boat in preparation for another season as Commodore of VBYC. No need to ask what the frequency is this summer as Kenneth has shooed all the rats out of his sailing gear and stepped the proverbial mast for Summer 2010. Hopes abound that Kenny T and the rest of the Yacht Club membership can make at least one decision this summer after a series of well-publicized meetings held over the winter at his Cactus Cove home in the heart of the cruel desert of South St. Vital accomplished absolutely nothing. Alas, it must be noted that K-Dog's heart and soul are focused on competition and he will likely hold racing first and foremost. Rumour has it that Killer-T has wielded his power as Commodore to sanction a series of late-night single-boat 'races' on dates of which only he knows. Those points should help the defending champ hold onto the multi-hull title along with what VBYC racing analysts are calling a 'sure bet' for another Course Corrector trophy. Though last year's public celebration was remarkably reserved, suspicions of a private celebration were later confirmed. An interview with Traverse Bay Corner staff revealed that the old tar had purchased an entire case of Presidential Sparkling Wine in the hours leading up to the awards ceremony and the subsequent issue of 'Policeman's Corner' in the VB Herald put aside any doubt. The article read: "VB Police responded to complaints of excessive noise at approximately 2:40am early Sunday morning at a summer residence in the restricted area. Corporal Lindsey Stevens detained a wetsuit clad man pouring champagne (later identified as sparkling wine) all over himself as Queen's "We are the Champions/We will rock you" played on repeat at an inappropriate volume through a portable stereo. The man was later released as he cited an important pending engagment at 10am that morning at 2 Victoria Bay." Regardless of Summer MMX racing developments, late night revellers at the annual Wind-up can be assured of a sangria-soaked plea from K-Bomb for help de-rigging his boat.

More Summer 2010

2010-05-14T10:02:00.007-05:00

Jonathan Beardsley

You thought he was dead? Or in Brazil? Yeah, so did we. But nope, Beardo has been in town all winter. Resting, presumably, for 2010. Whether he’s being torn into at his own Thanksgiving dinner, or bringing his hipster front to the sandy shores of CHouse Beach, this guy’s friendly demeanour always brightens the mood. An original windsurfer among his generation, look for The Big Struggle to be a force to be reckoned with this summer - or not, it’s hard to tell. But we love him.

Christopher Chipman

Slowly rebuilding the VB bridges he systematically burned one at a time through his teenage years, this wildcat is looking to contend in a serious way in 2010. A long-time windsurfer and founding Elk-Idaist, Chris brings the heat. Yet another strong curler (seriously, what is with the fucking curling?) Chippers is like a fine wine - in that they’re both awesome to party with. Though his work schedule conflicts with maximum shredding, at one point this spring he’s going to drive down to VB, stop by his cottage to grab Heshbag’s Iphone, cruise the Yacht, rig up Benny’s gear and blow everyone’s mind. Go Dip!

Jeremy Ritsema

Multi-hull extraordinaire. Some people thought this guy’s predilection for Hobie’s was a result of having the legs of a runway model. But then he got up on an old windsurfer pulled behind a motorboat and stayed on for almost two hours. At one point he lit a cigarette - with both hands. This guy’s good at anything water-based. It doesn’t hurt that Ol’ Jers has two mentors: not only is he the son of Kron Ritsema, he’s also been making challenging cuts for Hankus Lodekus for years. With his golden locks and benign temperament it comes as no surprise that Mr. Ritsema is a sought after name for companies hoping for endorsements. In the past year he has appeared in commercials for Heinz’s new juice line, HJ!; Export ‘A’ Gold cigarettes ("Ever smoked the Gold at the end of a rainbow?"); and Ya Ya, the popular energy bar. Whatever Jers is selling, we’re buying in 2010.

Ryan van Berkel

Superfriend Ryan van Berkel, where to start? A relative newcomer to Number 2 Victoria Avenue, Berkel has taken the place by storm. Two years ago he joined the club and quickly mastered windsurfing, without ever using his gear. Last year he followed in His Honour Orest Dackow’s footsteps and transitioned to multi-hulls. His racing season was hobbled by his innate sociability but he and crew Matthew Macleod were serious contenders for each of the Club’s two hotly contested bingo derbies. As a potential manager of Alexander James Tooley’s 2012 commodore bid, van Berkel has lately been the subject of intense speculation. Though insiders report that a tension-filled curling season opened a fissure between skip and crew, both camp van Berkel and camp Macleod claim they are on good terms and are hoping for the best in 2010. Furhter, reports surfaced last week suggesting that Mr. van Berkel was considering a purchase of the Moonlight-In. His lawyer, an Aikins star, denied those reports (or at least that’s what we think he was saying - he wasn’t, shall we say, perfectly coherent). A blog post drew attention yesterday when it speculated that Mr. van Berkle’s recent trip to Toronto was to visit a specialized dermatologist to treat a rare skin condition caused by uncontrollable rubbing of the neck. Yep, this guy is a gossip-mill: if he’s not the subject, he’s the source. Chances are, he’ll also be the source of some swell sailing for years to come.

More Summer 2010

2010-05-13T12:45:00.007-05:00

Benjamin Peterson

Two or three years ago, as the wind pushed past 30 knots, Aaron Vincent asked BoPie if he’d cruise by the pier for some action shots. Ben, having windsurfed all morning reluctantly agreed. He looked tired. After fighting through that widow-making onshore Clubhouse break, Benny screamed past the pier ten or fifteen times. Vincent crouched on the pier, his legs curled under him at impossible angles, a plastic bag stretched over his ridiculous camera. Back on the beach, we watched as Ben crashed onto shore, exhausted. Someone ran into the water to grab his battered gear. Benny vomited all over his wetsuit and then fell onto his back. Chenzo got off his towel and causally strode down to the water. He looked over the collapsed snarfer. "Peterson . . . if you don’t get closer to the pier, I’m not even going to bother taking your picture. You’re just wasting my time here." As Penny McMorris once pointed out from the Yacht Club deck, this kid is an aggressive fucking windsurfer. Though not a born windsman like fellow Elk-Ideist AJ Tooley, or a rig-mauling beast like Pooh-Bear Sorensen, Bennay is still his generation’s premier talent. If in 2010 you glance out onto that cruel mistress of a lake in a blistering gale you will see Roland, Ted, maybe a McCaig - and this fella.

Matthew Macleod

Matt Macleod isn’t actually that short, but for some reason he seems like it. Maybe it’s because he’s weighed down by his gravitas. Whatever, it’s killer on a boat. This guy is quickly making a name for himself among the old bulls around the Yacht Club. On day last year Kenneth Taylor asked who the young bearded gentleman was. Someone said ‘Mittens’. Kenneth said I thought that guy was Mittens. 'No' we said, 'that’s Muffin'. KT looked confused. But KT always looks confused so don’t sweat it. Another individual coming off a hot curling season, Mr. Macleod was long rumoured to be looking to trade-up to a more prestigious boat. Those rumours have died off but insiders report there are negotiations ongoing between Mr. Macleod and his skip Ryan van Berkel as to who will be in command for 2010. The only certainty is that together, they are an almost frighteningly friendly team. So when that flag pole starts clanking annoyingly as a crisp wind slaps across the bay, look for Macleod’s Cheshire grin to be replaced by a slightly more conservative smile: it’s business time.

More Summer 2010

2010-05-12T14:20:00.002-05:00

Alexander James Tooley

With a group of friends, Sir Mark Tooley bought a limousine and drove it sporadically through much of the 1980s. Lauren Skelly was, as a newborn, brought home from the hospital in it. The gang gave a friend of theirs a chauffeur’s hat and paid her to drive them around. Once, they saw her wearing the hat off-duty. She was fired on the spot. Yeah, the Tooleys have great stories. And it’s likely AJ will make some new ones this summer. Some of those stories will undoubtedly derive from on-water antics. This aristo-cat has a legendary feel for the wind, and is technically among Elk-Ida’s finest sailors: it has been said he can maneuver a windsurfer through the neck of a beer bottle - but he claims he’s never tried. Fresh off an award-winning curling season, AJ is set to put it on smash. This Friday, he and Conrad Black host a white tie wake for Bryn Oliver where the glitterati will party like it’s 2006 - leave your Roots sweatshirt at home.

More Summer 2010

2010-05-12T10:53:00.003-05:00

James Thomas

On rare occasions when he isn't dining with his family or reading a novel under the shade of an Elm tree in the Village Green, James Thomas can usually be found enjoying the sunny Western end of the Yacht Club deck. Indeed, on a beautiful Saturday morning James is often the first member of the non-racing crowd to arrive and can be counted on for a warm welcome, pizza bun, fresh Export Gold, and the latest news from the New York Times. The eldest son of Greg 'Big Cat' Thomas, renowned sailor and longtime VBYC member, is filling his father's sailing shoes confidently but respectfully as he keeps the family's monohull tradition alive with strong windsurfing skills and impeccable style. It has been alledged that his commitment to a single hull is so strong that James has never once set foot on a Hobie Cat. While the rumoured ambition of 2012 Commodoreship proved to be unfounded speculation and disappointed many members of the Club, it is reassuring to know that James is carrying a lot of sail into the unknown waters of Summer MMX.

Yacht Club 2010

2010-05-11T11:36:00.018-05:00

This starts a week-long series previewing the 2010 Victoria Beach Yacht Club racing season . . .

Roger Ritsema

Rarely has crewing been quite so ice-cold. Mr. Ritsema famously brings a degree of menacing nonchalance and blue-eyed aloofness to 2 Victoria Street (where the venerable Yacht Club gazes out onto the steely water). Mr. Ritsema spent the winter training at the University of Winnipeg’s elite Nautical Centre under master skip and former federal Minister for Water Sports, Dr. Lloydington P. Axworthy. In January, Mr. Ritsema led a much-publicized research expedition to the frozen edge of the Elk Island World Heritage Site. An account of the expedition was published in Science but was questioned on the veracity of some of its more surreal assertions - piles of frozen fish heads and lone wolfs loping out into the frigid horizon? Yeah, right Rog. Known for his seriousness and dedication to craft, the North End born legacy of seafarer Kronald Ritsema was spotted last week crooning at a hip Village speak-easy. You can bet the song was from Top Gun because this young guy is a true Iceman.

Tom Aldridge

This Beach Cat has sired more rumours than Bruce Fuckin’ Willis (that's a pun on Rumer Willis for you losers who haven't torn the roof off with her and L.Lo at the Manning's formerly annual Gin Bash). Is this the year Tom gets back on a boat with his father, Chris ‘Adult Dance’ Aldridge? We honestly have no clue - but we did see his picture in the paper one day, which may or may not have been planted by the Aldridge’s PR people in advance of a high-profile comeback. Good thing he works for Canadian Linen, because if this fearsome pro is back on a boat this summer, his opponents are going to be wiping away a lot of tears.

Daniel Schott

Schootsie has more nicknames than the Wu put together. That’s the way this elusive cat rolls. Does he live at VB? Calgary? On Victoria Island? Bermuda? In February he was photographed sipping a Mulberry (believe me it’s a cocktail, it's just that people here aren’t cool enough to know about it yet) with Joe Biden, Chloe Sevigny, and the world’s foremost Grace Kelly impersonator at a hotel bar in Ibiza. Yeah, that Ibiza. So what does summer 2010 have in store for Za Muff? - You think we'd know? Speculation abounds that he has finally combined his one-seat hovercraft and 18 foot Hobie into a well-lacquered superboat. Don’t bet on it. Speculation abounds that he’s finally going to open his under-Shack lair-slash-windsurfing museum to his friends and the interested public. Don’t bet on it. Speculation abounds that he will replace his brother with Obama’s latest nominee for the Supreme Court, Elena Caveman Kagan, as his crew in high wind races. But you know, don’t bet on it.

- Compiled from briefing notes kept by Allen Willoughby

2010-04-28T17:41:00.002-05:00

Chamesin' His Tune: Thomas Out; Tooley Now Rich People's Last Best Hope

2010-04-15T12:11:00.007-05:00

Winnipeg - A contender for the Victoria Beach Yacht Club Commodoreship has unequivocally withdrawn from the race and swung his full support behind Alexander James Tooley. A spokesman for Chames Thomas held a brief press conference on the grounds of the Legislature yesterday afternoon. The spokesman declined to speak specifically on Mr. Thomas’ reasons for quitting the race but speculation persists that he is considering accepting an ivory tower position at the London School of Economics.

Others insist that such a position would never be accepted by Mr. Thomas on the grounds that it fundamentally compromises his political persona. Mr. Thomas’ parents, a lowly civil servant and an architectural historian have long been invoked as his connecting point to the working class who are his political base. The family’s rickety cottage tilts precariously amongst the grime and despair of Victoria Beach’s notorious Fifth Avenue. Others point out that a private school education, time spent studying at the posh University of Toronto, and grandparents who attended Harvard University undermine this image. Indeed, critics doubt whether or not Mr. Thomas would be seen to be a darling of the working poor, had his rival not been the son of Sir Mark Tooley, an influential member of Sunset Avenue’s landed class and former editor of the powerful weekly newspaper.

A spokesman for Mr. Tooley expressed his thanks for Mr. Thomas’ support. It has not been a terrific week for the Tooley camp as a scandal at his former high school - the elite St. John’s-Ravenscourt - has re-opened questions about the closed and secretive world of privilege from which Mr. Tooley comes. Moreover, tension has run high amongst the Tooley clan as there have been delays on the family’s massive renovation of their palatial estate. The family’s contractor is scrambling to find an appropriately large diamond from which the kitchen sink will be carved.

In addition, speculation persists that Mr. Tooley is wooing political strategist and powerful social convener Ryan van Berkel to help with his campaign. Mr. van Berkel recently played an instrumental role in helping elect Dr. Richard Ratball to the VBYC Board of Governors. He has also frequently been retained by Victoria Beach’s Peterson family to help with public relations. For his part Mr. van Berkel has had his own embarassing scandal to worry about. This past winter the famous "What does she like" text message was leaked to the world. On Tuesday evening was photographed in meetings with Tooley aides at an upscale hamburger shop.

- Herald Staff Reporter

Local Sailor Double-crossed

2010-04-14T14:32:00.012-05:00

Winnipeg - Emotions ran high last night as a lone mono-hull sailor was lured into a Colonial Age brick fortification with promises of cold beer before being barraged by a team of multi-hull sailors with designs on conversion. Under dark skies, the lone sailor was picked up from his home by one of the crusaders in a sleek black sedan driven by a non-sailing third party. The unassuming passenger was then given a false sense of security as the conspirators plied him with psychoactive drugs and soothing early 70’s music. Upon arrival at the residence of the second crusader, the lone sailor was led through a locked wrought-iron gate and through a bare hallway into a room marked only by letters and numbers. The room was sparsely decorated save for a multitude of maps - which are believed to indicate the location of hotspots for multi-hull activity. Multi-hull propaganda, including a catalogue for Hobie Cat and a local trade magazine known to occasionally publish advertisements for used multi-hulls, was strewn about the room. Upon realization of his predicament, the trapped sailor attempted to gain the offensive edge with facts about the maneuverability and control of a mono-hull, but was soon overwhelmed by loud music and nonsensical comments from the enraged duo while the un-associated third party grinned unsettlingly and chuckled occasionally but spoke no words. A cursory glance at the wall revealed a shattered picture frame - evidence of a previous struggle. After becoming attuned to the futility of his situation, the mono-hull sailor shrewdly changed the subject and began plotting his retaliation while he indulged in the cool beer that had originally enticed him.
- Herald Staff reporter

Rumors and speculation heating up in run-up to 2012 VBYC Commodore election

2010-04-13T12:27:00.000-05:00

Rumors and speculation have been swirling from the highest mast post down to the lowest sun starved sand beneath the yacht club deck of a possible election showdown between friends Alexander James Tooley and Jamie Thomas for the VBYC commodore position in 2012.
Thomas a long time VBYC member and sailing advocate is considered a rising star in Provincial politics in Manitoba. Thomas’ political prowess has not gone unnoticed as the Provincial New Democrat Party have taken more than a cursory glance at the young man, perhaps looking to groom him for a post in the future. An unnamed party official agreed that a commodore title at his age would do well to raise a few eyebrows among the party elite. Many hours spent contemplating in reserved silence under the dome of the legislative building is said to be building what most pundits believe to be a steely level headed resolve that could be the mark of a great leader.
While Thomas‘ racing history at the club is less than complete or spectacular, it is believed his father, both VBYC and VB community pillar Greg “Big Cat”Thomas is more than willing to dole out sound advice about the finer technical points of yacht racing, appealing to the pro-racing voters who have historically held sway within the club.
Tooley, also a long standing member at the VBCY and executive of the VBYC expansion committee is a burgeoning player among the commodity exchanges around the world famous Portage and Main financial capital of Manitoba. Renown for being well dressed for all occasions and delighting more than a few with his wit and charm at social gatherings, the man seems poised for a quick rise toward the elite of Winnipeg. His future vision and steadfastness to “make things happen” align Tooley with the younger more untamed members of the club.
Tooley, a onetime junior sailing champion and respected instructor of monohull sailing fundamentals and racing, more recently seems to have turned his back on his roots in favor of the less structured and more carefree class of windsurfing, surely not boding well to win over voting purists of the sport. When asked of his famously quick exits from commitments and social situations when the leaves in the trees begin to rustle the unflappable and brazenly honest Tooley delivers the famous Moitessier refrain: You do not ask a tame seagull why it needs to disappear from time to time toward the open sea, it goes, that’s all”
A potential Sunset backyard seasonal windup on the Tooley estate has many members openly discussing their party attire and in what range of quality and temperature the beer would served, harkening back to decades ago when only the finest landscapes and chilled beer that VB had to offer would be acceptable to the yachting members.
While Tooley has the backing of the venerable and influential “Sunset strip” crowd, Thomas’ working class roots and “middle of the avenues” common sense approach to issues is likely to appeal to undecided voters. It has been conjectured that renowned party planner and generally well organized yacht club member Ryan Van Berkel has been approached quietly by both sides to gauge interest in a said to be lofty campaign post. Van Berkel refused to comment when reached. Thomas also would not confirm what has oft been rumored would be his campaign slogan: “Chames you can believe in”.
- VBYC Insider

Anxiously awaiting the upcoming season.....

2010-04-07T14:58:00.002-05:00

Ice like Winnipeg

2010-04-06T14:21:00.005-05:00

this is pretty neat

2010-03-26T11:29:00.005-05:00

quenching

From the Archives: August 31st, 2008

2010-03-19T10:37:00.011-05:00

Victoria Beach - A community lost an icon last night at the Victoria Beach Yacht Club’s annual wind-up soiree when a reveler seemingly fell onto a storied white Styrofoam cooler. Details are sketchy but eyewitness accounts claim that VBYC member Ben Peterson was dancing wildly when he lost his balance and fell onto the cooler which exploded releasing water, ice and ice cold cans of beer across the club’s plywood floor. Attempts to resuscitate the cooler were made at the scene, but were unsuccessful.

The coffin-shaped Styrofoam cooler was sent to the club by Chinese Premier Wen Jiabo in the early 1980s as a threat after the VBYC Sailing School chose to buy German-built optimists over the Chinese design. It immediately became a fixture at the club’s wind-ups. Bruce Guest remembers the first wind-up with the cooler. "As we filled it up, we knew it looked like a relatively decent cooler, but when we started pulling beers out of it, we knew how special it really was," said Guest. "God those beers were so cold."

The coffin, as it was known to the club’s members, became an ironic symbol of hope during the dark years of the late 1990s and early 2000s when the decline of the monohull fleet decimated races and Commodore power struggles led to deep divisions among the sailing community. In the last few years an influx of windsurfers has powered the club’s resurgence, and the cooler, having long been half-empty, again seemed almost to burst with beers for the burgeoning community. Long time member and former Chief Safety Officer, Jeff Hughes, could only shake his when told of the news. "Through thick and thin," he said, "we always had the coffin."

Police Chief Stewart McPherson said that the incident is being treated as an accident and that there seems to have been no malice in Mr. Peterson’s actions. "Though Mr. Peterson is known to us, we have no reason to suspect this was anything other than an unfortunate set of circumstances," said Chief McPherson. Mr. Peterson is best known as the older cousin of windsurfing phenom Andreas Sudermann. He was last in the news after a widely publicized incident at a Victoria Beach reunion of his prominent family. Mr. Peterson was not available for comment.

- Herald Staff Reporter

Soft spoken, sinister, sharply dressed goateed man applies sophisticated mind control techniques, brings down expansion proposal

2010-03-12T16:26:00.000-06:00

Flying in the face of reports on a popular wind sailing blog, members of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club (VBYC) who thought they had voted down a club expansion proposal of their own volition, it seems were sadly duped by an apparently unassuming well dressed goateed man. Appearing inconspicuous and purporting to be afraid to be a “turd in the punch bowl” a seemingly quiet, shadowy character whom afterwards VBYC members could not readily identify, went on a precise verbal barrage against the proposed plan, referencing impressive sounding architectural terms and phrases and barely masking his contempt for the plan and everyone else in the room.
In hindsight this highly intelligible sounding rant had a remarkable effect on the audience, many members began to eschew their previous thoughts about the proposal and their opinions began to strangely align with the soft spoken closely cropped goateed man. As the vote proceed to be heavily in favor of rejecting the proposal, a creepy sinister smile eased on to the man’s face and his eyes flared for a moment. It appears some members were able to keep their wits about them and vote for the obviously strong proposal, whether this was all a part of some master plan has yet to be revealed. Following the vote the man seemed to have slipped out of the room unnoticed, an area resident reported seeing a slick, confident man walking toward a vehicle mumbling in a deep powerful voice about “Phase one” being “complete”.
VBYC members questioned afterward could not readily give any strong reasons as to why they had voted down the proposal and many admitted to having a “hazy” memory of the actual vote and events preceding it. Reflecting on the bizarre circumstances one can only reasonably assume that the smartly dressed goateed fellow had implemented urbane mind control techniques in order to bow the course of the meeting and secure the vote in his regard. It can only be assumed that the mysterious man is in his lair, plodding and planning a sinister phase two for the VBYC expansion.

- VBYC Insider

Tooley-McMorris Proposal Crushed

2010-03-12T11:33:00.021-06:00

South St. Vital - The co-chair of the Victoria Beach Yacht Club's Expansion Committee had his proposal crushed last night in an 11-3 vote. Alexander James Tooley had put forward a Ted Geddert design which would have almost doubled the size of the VBYC’s current facility. The aesthetics of the proposed plan seemed to be the sticking point. "I want to vote for this, I really do" said club member Dr. Richard Ratball, "but I just can’t get past the looks".
Many feel the expansion committee made a tactical blunder in making Mr. Tooley the meeting’s non-voting chair. Chris Aldridge, a long time Club secretary and canned beverage enthusiast suggested that had Tooley been able to cast a vote it may have stimulated a groundswell in support. "You never know," said Mr. Aldridge, "you get one more vote early and maybe guys start to want to not be seen as the stick-in-the-muds." However, after talking to members of Mr. Tooley's staff it was not clear how deeply he supported his own proposal. The evening's proceedings were marked by a strange sense of ambivalence towards the project which, to take effect, would ultimately have to receive royal assent from King Orest Dackow.
Two of the proposal's supporters, Roger Ritsema and Jamie Thomas (voting on behalf of his father, 1988 Redeye winner, Greg Thomas) were roundly criticized for not having supported the view with more enthusiasm. "Pretty weak" was the opinion of one of the meeting’s staffers who wished to remain anonymous in order to comment on internal matters, "those guys have reputations as bringing an articulate view to the table but they were just ineffective - if you don’t make a case for it, no one will vote your way." An aide to Mr. Ritsema shrugged off the criticism. "Our feeling was that the time and price was right, but having said that, I don’t think anyone in that room was comfortable with the design," he said. Ryan van Berkle, a senior member of Sailing Manitoba, was also largely quiet save for moving a motion that would have equipped the club with a direct line to the Moonlight Inn. The motion was soundly defeated. Mr. Ritsema was clearly surprised by the motion, "I’m not sure, at this point, that anyone is worrying about those kind of details."
Mr. Tooley and fellow expansion committee member Ivan McMorris left the meeting in a black town car and have not been available for comment.
After the meeting Jeremy Ritsema, who voiced the first complaint against the project's design and is widely viewed as the architect of the expansion plan’s defeat, stood under a Cactus Cove streetlight to address members of the media. "I think there are good things happening at the Club," said Mr.Ritsema, "But this plan was simply not the right route. The desire to move forward is clearly there, and that's exciting, but we cannot waste members' money on a design that is flawed conceptually and, frankly, aesthetically," he added, lighting a cigarette.

- Herald Staff Reporter

The dip gets tired after a long day on the water

2010-03-08T20:37:00.002-06:00

Alexander James Actually Pretty Good at Windsurfing Now

2010-03-08T10:58:00.000-06:00

VICTORIA BEACH—Four years after being blasted as an elitist for his Ivy League education, wealthy background, and hobby of windsurfing, sources say that Alexander James has in fact become quite proficient at the water-based leisure sport.

"After losing the VBYC Commodore election in such a humiliating and disgraceful manner, Alexander really threw himself into windsurfing, and I'm happy to say it paid off," said James’s longtime adviser and windsurfing coach, Gary Albl. "Everyone claimed he was too wishy-washy and didn't have a thick skin, so he said he'd show them all, and he did. His T-bones and slamjibes speak for themselves."
Albl, like many of James's friends, said the defeat at the polls may have actually been a blessing in disguise, since it allowed the Young Associate from Manitoba to spend more time on his true passion. As evidence of the incredible progress James has made in the last four years, Gary pointed out that the former Commodore candidate is now able to perform a number of freestyle moves and some light carving without hurting himself. James also reportedly knows all about tacks now, and can stay on the board a full minute longer than he could during the last Club Commodore campaign.
In addition, his water starts have matured significantly.
Besides upgrading his windsurfing board class from Freeride to Formula Windsurfing, aides said he has made strides in other areas to escape his image as an out-of-touch patrician. According to a press release from his office, James can now play eighteen holes of golf at a public course, as well as meet large groups of factory workers without wincing, and remember that his favorite Bob Dylan song is "Lay Lady Lay" without first checking with a handler.
It is not known whether Alexander James intends to use his new skills in a future presidential run. When reporters reached him for comment, he was being swept into Yacht Club Bay by a 35 mph gust of wind.

Newsflash-----

2010-03-02T14:08:00.001-06:00

Victoria Beach, MB, Canada - In a splash heard 'round the world, local windsurfer Richard Ratball successfully aired over the Goverment Pier. One insider called the feat "the biggest thing to happen in windsurfing since Ben Peterson's alledged heroics out by Backloop Point." Ratball singlehandedly ended speculation on whether or not the six foot tall, twenty foot wide structure could be jumped. When asked if the landing was clean, witness Aaron Schott said, "Oh fuck yeah. God, he just stomped it, gybed, and cruised back towards Clubhouse Beach." Upon arrival at Clubhouse Beach, windsurfers hoping to congratulate Ratball were disappointed when they found only his gear surrounded by several empty beer cans and cigarette butts. Ratball has not been seen or heard from since; the only confirmation of his existence being a crudely scribbled application to the local yacht club found days after the historic accomplishment.

Local Commodore leads double (triple?) life

2010-03-01T13:06:00.011-06:00

..............................................
Obscure multi-hull sailor dominates regattas
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Diplomat shelters Americans in secret deal between USA & Canada
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He wore a shirt of violent green.
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the peg

2010-02-18T11:25:00.003-06:00

Dryland Training

2010-01-14T10:20:00.002-06:00

Chames just "love(s)it when Poppa Van Berkel takes us out on excursions."

thanks RVB

2009-12-10T12:14:00.002-06:00

i don't know why sometimes schootsie gets frightened

2009-12-04T10:38:00.009-06:00

you can see in my eyes that i'm not fucking lying

from Windsurfing Magazine, September 1866

2009-11-27T12:44:00.012-06:00

Windsurfing Magazine: We’re sitting here with windsurfing legend Mark Twain. Mark, thanks for being here.

Mark Twain: No problem bra.

WM: I hear you had a few big weeks last summer. Tell me about it.

Twain: I had just published the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn to total critical acclaim and was kicking it a lot with some friends of mine who were on R n’ R from the b-field, dudes that saw Gettysburg and shit. Blue jacket and cannon ball shit. Gnar. They were looking for something to roll back on and we just thought: Gorge, wind, ripping. Simple as that.

WM: What kind of gear were you on?

Twain: Dude I had burnt so many bridges by that point that I was using whatever I had lying around. None of those corporate sponsor guys could stomach me and my antics, man. Who needs it though, right bra? Fatcats and shit. I just use whatever’s under my feet bra. Beer over gear, dude. Right?

WM: I guess so. Pretty wild times on that trip?

Twain: The night we got there we pulled our carts and buggies in at like midnight. There in the tavern is a bunch of dudes I knew from back in Illinois. And none other than the man himself: Abraham Fucking Lincoln! They were just PARTYING. Anyway, long story short, next thing I remember I’m tearing apart a 4.8 in a 32 knot sou’easter, buck naked except for Lincoln’s hat. Abe never let me forget that shit. Makes me well up just thinking about how much I miss dude. Fuck y'all n- that shot Big Poppa!

WM: Jesus.

Twain: I get shakey just thinking about that weekend.

WM: I’ll bet. Tell me about your windsurfing memoir, 'Adventures of Huckin’Barrels on a short Fin'. The Quaker Times called it ‘more relevant than the constitution’.

Twain: I’d be sitting in my cabin, alone in the woods, bra, and I’d be writing certain passages about ripping and I’d actually feel my b’s creeping towards my a. That’s when I knew this book would be good. No Twain, no gain - alright . . .

WM: Any last words for the kids, Mark?

Twain: Watch your skulls bra!

VBYC early daze

2009-11-27T11:25:00.005-06:00

note the impressive motorboat fleet and vinnie's boathouse. jeah.
click photo to enhance viewing experience
quarters and hams chickens chickens and bricks.

it's on the way baby

2009-11-25T12:07:00.001-06:00

Arnaud de Rosnay Pioneering Windsurfing Voyager

2009-11-22T17:09:00.003-06:00

Check it: http://www.windsurfing-legends.com/arnaud-de-rosnay.html

It Does Exist

2009-11-21T22:18:00.003-06:00

Double or Nothing is a movie, Who's buying it first?

"DOUBLE OR NOTHING - REVISITED" is back by popular demand. Featuring World Champion Francisco Goya and flambouyant wild man Jason Prior, this flick tells the story of what one has to endure to make it to the top of Maui's windsurfing world. As the movie was cast, Jason (Jazz) and Francisco (Cisco Kid), were relatively unknown, never placing in the top 16 of any contest. By the script, they innovated the double loop, and by the end of filming, Francisco and Jason placed 1st and 2nd in the Oneill Windsurfing Classic at Hookipa. Francisco would go on to become overall World Champion, winning all 8 contests in 2000, and Jason, well, he would shred his own path around the world, conquering exotic windsurfing destinations. Revisited is completely re-edited, with new tunes and action footage. Another Impact Zone Production produced by Jonathan Weston with additional footage by Tonix. Available now!

http://www.windflicks.com/2or0.html

Ice

2009-11-18T21:16:00.002-06:00

Windsurfer becomes first to test skills in Alaskan waters
Gazing up at the ominous mass of ice above this wind surfer got a little more than he bargained for when he decided to test his skills in the icy waters of Alaska.

Surfing just yards from the unstable 150 metre high walls of the Chenega glacier pro windsurfer Florian Jung became the first man ever to windsurf in the barren wilderness of Alaskan waters.
Facing Arctic winds and water temperatures of just one degree Celsius Mr Jung achieved a life long dream.
"I have always dreamed of windsurfing near a glacier," said the 24-year-old German. "No one else has surfed in front of the glaciers in Alaska before and I wanted to be the first.
"I normally surfs big waves in Hawaii and when I revealed my dream to a surfing friend back in Hawaii, he told me it couldn't be done. So I put my 1972 VW van on the line and off I went."
Flying out to the small town of Whittier in the glacier region of Alaska in August, Mr Jung set about his unusual adventure accompanied by a marine biologist in a boat.
He said: "The population there is only 183 and when we arrived they couldn't believe what we were attempting to do."
Measuring one mile in length the Chenega Glacier is highly unstable with giant ice rocks breaking off and crashing into the water almost every half an hour.
"I studied the region and talked to a lot of scientists about the clima-change and what happens with the glaciers there at the moment," said Mr Jung.
"I am used to travelling from one sunny surf-spot to the next.
"When you see a glacier calving it is very impressive – but very dangerous. If an ice rock fell too close to myself or the boat then it could prove to be fatal for everyone."
Mr Jung wore a special thermo neoprene-suit to cope with the 1-2 Celsius water temperature.
Chenega Glacier is a tidewater glacier located in Prince William Sound and on the Kenai Peninsula in the American state of Alaska.
The glacier is a tourist attraction, drawing many kayakers and small cruise lines to Nassau Fjord where the glacier meets the ocean.

Article from "http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/3813392/Windsurfer-becomes-first-to-test-skills-in-Alaskan-waters.html"

after a big day on the water

2009-11-13T11:56:00.000-06:00

my logo gets branded in your neck

2009-11-13T11:33:00.002-06:00

VB Yacht Club 2012

2009-11-09T12:11:00.000-06:00

gripping

2009-10-29T12:17:00.006-05:00

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TOOLES?

2009-10-28T19:00:00.003-05:00

ELK-IDA LEGIT?

2009-10-28T18:50:00.002-05:00

HAH, NOW WE GOT VANS

Sit back jollyin' uh huh uh huh

2009-10-22T14:46:00.009-05:00

smooth sailin;' walked in, my earth started kneelin'

Persondata
Name	Rosnay, Jenna de
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Date of birth	March 7, 1963
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